Call me a Sinner

Cast your Votes for Crunch Commercial Bunny Mix!!

2010-11-09T22:48:00.001-08:00

Please click on the following link to vote for my Crunch Commercial @ thecrunchbunny.com/#/featured-videos/view/25088591 !!!!

it will only require 30 seconds, but it will bring me so much happiness and support. EVERY VOTE COUNTS! AND.. you can vote everyday :)

what it is:
A competition for Crunch Gym, we are in the top 50! 1st prize winner: 10,000$. Competition is based on NUMBER OF DAILY VOTES! So please vote everyday!

Reasons to do it:
1) It only takes a minute, you just have to put your email address in.
2) It will mean the world to me, whether you know it or not
3) We worked out butts off and now its CRUNCH TIME!! only 12 days left to vote (daily!!)
4) IT ONLY TAKES A MINUTE!!
5) You will be spreading so much goodness and love, much like when you give a dollar to the soul singers on the subway, I BEG YOU FOR ART'S SAKE.

PLEASE VOTE ONCE A DAY! before you take your pill. after you brush your teeth, instead of your morning cigarette..........

Watch our BUNNY MIX video @ http://vimeo.com/16621815

Bunny Mix from Dirty Buttons on Vimeo.

Please vote for the commercial: thecrunchbunny.com/#/featured-videos/view/25088591

I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH!! MILLION THANKS AND KISSES!

"Missed" by Taylor Quist, starring Chantal & Alex

2010-11-09T22:45:00.000-08:00

little short I acted in. beautiful music. simple. inspired by neorealism ideals, french new wave. love.

Penny Royale

2010-10-19T23:39:00.000-07:00

A wonderful project I acted in for director Vincent Lin, as part of the 'Interpretations Film Festival' created by Justin Lin.

Watch Below! Our piece is called Penny Royale. Enjoy XX

http://interpretationsfilm.com/members/mintstin/

updates of cool videos!!

2010-10-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

Bob Dylan - "The Witmark Demos: 1962-1964"

Bob Dylan - "The Witmark Demos: 1962-1964" from Columbia Records on Vimeo.

Jeff Buckley - Tongue

2010-08-12T10:08:00.000-07:00

"The life of the body is more variously expressive than a sex-negative society can admit." - Carolee Schneemann

"Giving our bodies back to ourselves."

Art work inspired by Jeff Buckley's Tongue:

Inspired, moved, touched, you have made me.. Dennis Hopper on The Johnny Cash Show

2010-06-16T19:25:00.000-07:00

From "The Johnny Cash Show," September 30, 1970. As Dennis Hopper points out prior to his impassioned recitation, "if" is the middle word in life.

Srikumar Rao: Plug into your hard-wired happiness

2010-06-16T19:24:00.001-07:00

http://www.ted.com/talks/srikumar_rao_plug_into_your_hard_wired_happiness.html

Viktor Frankl: Why to believe in others | Video on TED.com

2010-06-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

Inspiring talks for the evening. Man's search for meaning- read it! xx Viktor Frankl: Why to believe in others | Video on TED.com

Think about this: Philip Zimbardo shows how people become monsters ... or heroes

2010-06-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

Fun Shopping

2010-04-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

Photographer: Cedric Indra
Stylist: Rahko Lee

Another side of Thuy | The rebel who loves bikers

2010-04-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

Another side of Thuy | Night crawler | Goddess

2010-04-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

I have big dreams...

2010-04-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

...and they are revealed to you in this May issue of Esquire magazine, women's edition!

xx

World Environment Day!

2010-04-23T22:27:00.001-07:00

My United Nations PSA, with Gisele Bundchen :)

http://www.unep.org/NewsCentre/videos/player_new.asp?w=480&h=300&f=/newscentre/videos/PSAs/2010-4-22_WED_INTERNATIONAL

also available for viewing at:
http://www.unep.org/wed/2010/english/
http://www.unep.org/newscentre/multimedia/

Listen tonight, Beside You

2010-04-22T19:46:00.001-07:00

Of Anna and Dreams -Trailer

2010-04-09T07:06:00.000-07:00

Introduction to a short film I played in, now screening!

'Of Anna And Dreams' is a visual journey of dreams of Anna May Wong (1905-61), the first Asian-American actress who gained a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. Anna defied cultural and legal barriers to achieve international success and was a true pioneer of her time.

This film is a modern and artistic interpretation of her three dreams exploring three themes in her life: Fear, Identity Complex and Lust for Love.
(Duration: 12 mins, 2010) Director: O Zhang

join fan page for future screenings @ facebook.com/pages/OF-ANNA-AND-DREAMS/110159415676484?ref=mf

Of Anna and Dreams -Trailer from O Zhang on Vimeo.

THE PRELUDE - William Wordsworth

2010-04-09T06:55:00.000-07:00

THE PRELUDE
William Wordsworth

[...]
This spiritual Love acts not nor can exist
Without Imagination, which, in truth,
Is but another name for absolute power 190
And clearest insight, amplitude of mind,
And Reason in her most exalted mood.
This faculty hath been the feeding source
Of our long labour: we have traced the stream
From the blind cavern whence is faintly heard
Its natal murmur; followed it to light
And open day; accompanied its course
Among the ways of Nature, for a time
Lost sight of it bewildered and engulphed;
Then given it greeting as it rose once more 200
In strength, reflecting from its placid breast
The works of man and face of human life;
And lastly, from its progress have we drawn
Faith in life endless, the sustaining thought
Of human Being, Eternity, and God.
[...]

I love Karaoke

2010-03-12T11:06:00.000-08:00

A brief introduction to Chantal's love of karaoke. Shot and edited in 24 hours on SONY EX 3.

Karaoke from Dirty Buttons on Vimeo.

The XX

2010-03-05T11:09:00.000-08:00

THE XX. La meilleure musique pour faire l'amour.

Enjoy!

Cremaster 3. Aimee Mullins.

2010-02-18T12:39:00.000-08:00

I really like performance art. This scene in CREMASTER 3 by Matthew Barney, featuring Aimee Mullins will be with me until my last memory fades, until my last breath. I saw it years ago in my favorite cinema class, Avant-guarde Cinema, taught by Aaron Kerner in San Francisco. I like that a video can have that effect on my, infinitely memorable.

Drum and Ba-dd-ass

2010-02-11T07:02:00.000-08:00

Where did Drum&Bass go? Did it move to another country? If so, I would like to go visit it because it's being sorely missed in my life. Jungle, D&B was my ultimate dance music savior for a chunk of my raver dayers. Rhyming Idioms.

On that note.

I just checked out this site and I am really itching to say the following things to people:
what's the deal, banana peel?
I'm the boss, applesauce!
What's new, tennis shoe?
Mama mia! Papa pia! Baby's got diarreah!
Guess who, chicken poo?
yes indeedy pumpkin seedy ,
yeah but no but wait a minute could be so.
Understand, rubber band?
Easy-peasy lemon squeezy!
Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.
Eat your lunch, honeybunch.
Outta bed, logeyhead!
Don't flip, potato chip.
Hasta la pasta!

EEK!! Someone find me a five year old kid to talk to please, quick!!

okay. enough of that.

So-
These songs made me go wild and crazy this morning, jumping up and down on my bed like a maniac.

I dedicate it to all my friends from in da jungle circa holidays

Anna May Wong in The Toll of the Sea (1922)

2010-01-19T21:58:00.000-08:00

Asian American Actresses from the 1920s

2010-01-19T21:42:00.000-08:00

Listen to them!! Beautiful, articulate voices, faces, bodies. Why have I not discovered them until now? I am utterly inspired, in awe, mesmerized!!

"Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you -- tripping on the tongue; but if you mouth it, as many of your players do, I had as Leif the town-crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much with your hand, thus, but use all gently; for in the very torrent, tempest, and as I may say, the whirlwind of your passion, you must acquire and beget a temperance that may give it smoothness. " - WS

Arcade Fire - Haiti

2010-01-13T11:32:00.000-08:00

Somewhere I love, somewhere in my heart, here lies...

2010-01-12T21:51:00.000-08:00

Anna May Wong!!

2010-01-12T21:33:00.000-08:00

I'm so happy.. I am so incredibly excited to work on this role, it's a dream.
I have always wanted to work on creating a character /interpretation for someone as legendary as Anna May Wong...

My heart is leaping in nonrhythmic poundings of excitement, I can't contain this.
AMAZING!

thank you to lottenkalenius on youtube for creating this beautiful piece of art:
Anna May Wong These Foolish Things

OSHO: Sex and Death - Two Great Taboos

2010-01-07T11:14:00.001-08:00

OSHO: Making Love is a Sacred Experience

2010-01-07T11:05:00.001-08:00

OSHO: Don't Use this Planet Like a Waiting Room

2010-01-07T10:41:00.000-08:00

Because all these things are on my mind, and sharing helps me process it all:

Compassion - The Ultimate Flowering of Love

2010-01-07T10:40:00.000-08:00

More Osho wisdom for the day-

Osho thoughts of the day!

2010-01-07T10:30:00.000-08:00

Hello, 2010, here is on Being in Love.

Sharon Lois & Bram's Elephant Show

2009-12-28T22:29:00.000-08:00

I think this is why I wanted to be an actress. The Sharon Lois & Bram's Elephant Show.

:)

I LOVE THIS!

My friends, family and Electralane

2009-12-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

So I am completely obsessed with this song at the moment, its breathing through my spine and speaks to every cell of my body right now. Watch, listen, feel --Electrelane (Oh Sombra!)

On other news. I feel really great. There is nothing that compares to home. To family friends, old lovers, favorite restaurants, reviving traditions, the taste and familiarity of people that you have loved, lost, found again; Love, loved and loved; loved, hated and forgiven. In the end, it all comes back to this connection that will never be lost between people , family, community, that is everlasting. I can feel this love in me as it grows year by year, for the people I have known for years, and grown up with, and I know that it will continue to grow until my last breath, into the next life, into eternity.

I feel the connection, love and support that I share with my family, friends and the community I love in a deeper and freer way, a love that has no bound and is unpredictable but that is limitless, that has no expectations, judgments or idealism. It just is. It is accepting. Open. Eternal. Intimate. Free. Creative. Exciting. Sensual. Judgment-less. Un-possessive. The love I have been seeking all my life, I have come to realize more and more, surrounds me in ways that I am infinitely grateful for. It is undeniably unbounded by space and time, and this is the closest I have come so far to the feeling of Christ-like universal love , as hippy as it may sound. I am in love with my family. friends. with the beauty of community and unbreakable bonds of love, trust and friendship.

Do you know what I mean?

I BELIEVE IN YOU - BLACK DUB

2009-12-10T13:49:00.000-08:00

From one of the sweetest and coolest person I know in the music industry-- This is a recording of Dan Lanois' band BLACK DUB at his LA home studio... I am putting this song on REPEAT.
-Cx

NEW SONGS!

2009-12-07T23:08:00.000-08:00

I HAVE POSTED NEW SONGS, REALLY RANDOM!!

ON MY MYSPACE PAGE:
http://www.myspace.com/tweebeebaby

My Fun Stage Combat- Kill Bill!!

2009-12-07T23:04:00.000-08:00

Stage Combat at Stella Adler Studio of Acting, 2009. Chantal Thuy as Gogo Yubari and Abbi Hawk as the bride.

Save me - Aimee Mann

2009-12-03T23:11:00.000-08:00

Thanks Jesse Goldwater for reminding me that this song exists. Just what I need to listen to right now. x

Led Zeppelin - Going To California

2009-11-26T02:54:00.000-08:00

Some inspiration to start the day

Piano Man - My karaoke Song

2009-11-23T18:50:00.001-08:00

Socialnomics

2009-11-23T18:43:00.001-08:00

Social Media ROI: Socialnomics is by Socialnomics author Erik Qualman. This video showcases several Social Media ROI examples along with other effective Social Media Strategies. Music is by Bob Sinclair ("Tennessee")

Social Media Revolution

2009-11-23T18:35:00.000-08:00

Social Media Revolution: Is social media a fad?

Or is it the biggest shift since the Industrial Revolution? This video details out social media facts and figures that are hard to ignore. This video is produced by the author of Socialnomics.

The strangers at Starbucks...

2009-11-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

Both older men in their 60s, incredibly magnetic and eccentric.

My favorite kind of people.

For some reason, I feel so connected to these types of mind; this creative, mature energy. I am naturally drawn to these bodies.

One man was a rock and roll photographer, he seems to have all the answers to life's questions, and I guess I am always interested in the people who seem to know everything or nothing. This extreme is always rather fascinating. I try to suppress my tears, my laugh, but they eventually both come out. He softens. He comes to himself, doesn't feel the need to impress with everything he know, everyone he knows, everything he has done. Then I see and feel the real man, still very outgoing. But here is the teacher, the man who wants to inspire through his vigor, his enthusiasm. He is in his late 60's but you would swear he is a punk-rock, take-no-shit 25 year old squeegee kid off the streets. Really interesting to listen to. Still, I appreciate the inspiring messages he imparted to me, as I sat there with my watery eyes feeling a little lost. okay, quite lost.

And then he leave, is out the door, knocks on the window, motions for me to smile, and immediately, I can't help but smile :)

Then a wonderful Russian ex-actor, best-seller, painter man with beautiful, BEAUTIFUL eyes gives me a look. I, in my open state, I am up for a conversation, I invite him to sit with me (the Starbucks is full).
We share a few introductions through common arm injuries, and he wants to go buy me another latte so we can talk for longer. I don't refuse. What ensures is simply, pleasurable.

I am so fascinated by the life that a man of his age has lived through, I listen for anything , food for thought, some wisdom from his words, but mostly, from his very blue, blue eyes.

I am sounding like a bad harlequin novel.
yes.
I should get my literotica published one day in the next 2 years I would say. All the ones based on a true story anyhow. :)
HA.

Wouldn't you like to know?

I'd like to share.

Okay I am getting sleepy so it ends here, this banter, I want to see 2012 soon.
And Precious was A PHENOMENAL MOVIE and if you see anything this year, please, go watch PRECIOUS. It was sold out for 3 screenings in a row the night I went, and it is definitely rated R for a reason.

X

I love confessing myself to strangers at Starbucks

2009-11-13T22:39:00.000-08:00

(Weird post ahead. Automatic writing of the day)

So this has been an incredibly hectic week. Fulfilling, exciting, and also nerve-racking.
I am taking a minute to write because I just starting reading a book tonight that was recommended to me by someone I greatly admire for her strength and ability to voice her desires. So I have to practice asking for what I want, and to listen to my intuition AT ALL TIMES. I KNOW that I DO. I know when I do and when I don't.
I know when something feels right or not, in life and in acting, but I have to continually work that muscle especially for my craft at this point. I want to kick myself in the butt because when someone tells you "act like you are confessing in someone", it means perhaps taking a reflective second to take the weight of its consequence, whispering the secret or actually doing this action from my own being.
INSTEAD OF. taking it in intellectually, (yes noted), but not taking that time to register it in my being, in my body of wisdom and life experience. WHY OH WHY , OH WELL:)
I will live and learn.
And I WILL LEARN! Because I know I can do it!! I have done it, and I have to keep on breathing, listen to myself, my own being, and listening. Learning. Growing.

Then I was upset. BUT.. in my life experience, the minute I am down about something, I know it is an opportunity for growth, expansion, and often times, I will meet the right spirit or soul with the exact message I need to hear.

And I did today. And the whole day was like a magical unfolding of spontaneous meetings of minds that I could not have even conjured up in my life had it not been for the openness I felt for being vulnerable and bit lost.

Then it all comes to me as a reminder, my inner voice of wisdom--we are all souls here looking for connections, understanding, love. And ultimately, we are all here to help each other grow in more happiness, fulfillment and success. Chin up :)

Anyway,

I currently feel incredibly aroused for being alive in my body, in my soul, in my spirit.

I feel horny. At the thought of being alive.

sounds funny, but that's the best way to describe it. I feel an electric current of pleasure and orgasm cursing through my veins at the thought of everything good, and every obstacle in my life, because I am intuiting that ultimately, it all serves a purpose of helping me to uncover more of who I am.

um. Yum. Life.

(weird post) Love, Thuy

The Sacredness of the Womb

2009-05-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

Women are a miracle of life. Men too, but let me talk about my women in this blog. Our WOMB is a miracle of life that contains all the secrets of life, birth, death and rebirth/reincarnation. Through it, we bleed and shed blood for life in accordance to the cycles of the moon, one of the oldest natural laws since the beginning of the ages--this is out connection to humanity, to our lineages, to nature, to life to the cyclical nature of life, to the idea of renewal; and through our womb, we give birth to humanity and are co-creators of life on this Earth.

Ladies, this is our power. And it is no small power. In us, in every single woman on this Earth, is the Divine power of creation- of creating Humanity and life, and through us, we are naturally reminded of our connection to nature and its mysteries. The womb is the greatest miracle of life, the most important one. Without it, life would no longer exist. It is through women that humanity exists...

Is it no wonder our patriarchial society try to hide our Goddess nature and the true miracle and wonder of womanhood?

The womb is SACRED. never forget it.
Ladies, never settle for anything else than a man who recognizes the miracle of the womb. It is a tell-tale sign of a significant and mature man who realizes the sacredness of nature and has respect for life. he will be a lucky lover, as will you.

And we sometimes complain about getting our period; wish we didn't have to go through it; curse it... In times like these, we are forgetting our connection to nature and the sacredness of our connection to the cosmos, life force of the universe. Because we bleed for life, and that is a sacred privilege to hold that power. We have a direct link to the forces of the Universe; our cycles are the cycles of the cosmos- we the microcosm, IT the macrocosm. Never be ashamed of your cyclical menstrual experiences, because it is a SACRED MIRACLE of life.

IT IS A BLESSING TO BE A WOMAN. In a way, we are all Goddesses in disguise for the moment, we forget the miracle that we hold within us. That we have the power to control and dictate the continuance and the existance of life on Earth. WE HOLD THIS POWER, therefore we are the supreme dictators of life on Earth in some funny way.
If all women were extinguished on this Earth, life would cease. What would men work for?

Women have incredible power. We are life. And we, women, need to take our power and keep it fiercely within our beings. We chase after men who have no concept of the importance of the Goddess within, and therefore live mundane livelihoods within that outdated conceptual framework. Our wombs are our portals to miracles, and deserve better than that. And don't get me wrong, I love men. But I think it is time to find a man who will worship us and treat us like the Goddesses that we are, and therefore allowing the mysteries and greatness of the woman's womb and power to be unleashed in the world.
Why else do men build and create this and that in the world, always striving to impress their own strength and power in society? Why are women kept a few steps behind, or objectified, or constructed into some sort of boring, demystified model of what a wife and mother should be?
It is the inferiority complex present in the patriachal society that allows this status in women because it fears women will come to understand their full power and the inherent, natural power they exert in human society as child-bearers, therefore life creators. Should this happen, it would necessarily mean the end of the world as we know it.

I think it wouldn't be such a bad idea, don't you?
We'd move away from ego-based livelihoods and be based in a more natural, empathetic, equality-minded society.

So please. Embrace your Goddess-Self. Because that is who you truly are, and have been for centuries and centuries. Recognize the TRUTH. Don't even for a second, think of yourself as anything less that that--it would be a disservice to humanity- Embrace your womanhood, your womb, Your Goddess, and keep the Sacredness of this knowledge and experiences on a pedestal where you can never go back and settle for less.

KELLY KING and MAKANA are superheros from another planet

2009-04-10T00:33:00.000-07:00

KELLY KING and MAKANA are superheros from another planet. In the coolest way possible. Google them and you'll hear what I mean.

I just went to karaoke tonight and they've left me speechless,(...)!! In absolute, breath-taking awe that such talent, skill, craftmanship exists for the world..

And now I can't sleep.

(body buzz, heart bouncing, soul leaping, eye opening) more than a memory, it is....

on another level, it reminds me that I gotta get to work. yes.. givr :)

Something to say

2009-03-14T18:41:00.000-07:00

Oh my god I don't know what's wrong with me at this moment I am feeling really emotional after seeing Benjamin button, I think it was a sad story but I don't know if I liked it that much, but still, I am sad now. and I wish that I could have the kind of love that is worth keeping, a love that is worth fighting and dying for, but maybe that doesn't exist. Maybe people are just too complicated to ever be truly in love, maybe people are just too complex and fucked to make anything last, maybe nothing does last. Nothing does last. Why doesn't anything last? How do you make love stay, or does it just flutter, from a different man to the next, love lasting as long as it does, from one monogamous relationship to another. From one lifetime to the next, never staying put within the boundaries of one pairing. Or maybe love doesn't exist at all in that sense, maybe its just a momentary delusion of the mind into an oblivious hope that something COULD last. Impermanence. Nothing ever lasts.

where is my mind

2009-03-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

I don't know, it's all over the place, its thinking about moving on, its stuck in the past, its anticipating the future, it gets happy one minute; the next, it's incredibly melancholic. hellish if you ask me. IT SCREAMS FOR LOVE, when it is lonely, when the thoughts go roundabout one too many times on its ecstasy, and back to the unbearable pain of having to let go and accept the flow of living. Goddam heartbreaks takes me so much from just holding myself back from screaming out of sorrow and simultaneous disbelief, a weird sense of joy, beingness of the moment or in other words, what the fuck else can I do right? Til time heals my wounds I will flow from in and out of ten thousand gut wrenching emotions, or else until I meditate long enough to find stillness and peace in my mind, whatever comes first. blahlblah, my two cents of the day

Dream Keeper for you my Love

2009-02-22T19:56:00.000-08:00

The Dream Keeper
by Langston Hughes.

Bring me all of your dreams,
You dreamers,
Bring me all of your
Heart melodies
That I may wrap them
In a blue cloud-cloth
Away from the too-rough fingers
Of the world

The things I wished I would have said, I've said. Now there is nothing hidden or held from you, I am completely transparent and vulnerable to whatever is. But I feel so great about that at least, that I have spoken and laid my heart on the table, if anything happens, or no matter what will happen in life, there is nothing more or less to add to my feelings now. I love you.

breaking up is hard to do

2009-01-21T18:27:00.000-08:00

there is nothing nice about it. there is nothing about breaking up that is easy, pleasant or immediately obvious. In my situations, I always feel like I should try harder, love more profoundly, or even sacrifice more. When is it time to call it quits? When is it time to succumb to your nagging doubts and feelings that somewhere, somehow, you need to take a step back for a moment to reassess your life and see if everything still flows the way your heart wants it to. You become so entangled in different currents and flows of life when you are in a love affair that you ( or I , at least), can so easy melt into the various energy streams and lose my own direction momentarily. But it is great fun, don't get me wrong. I think in this moment, it is time for me to breathe, slow down, and SEE again. really see. I am picking up my spiritual duties of growth and self-awareness in that I have slacked off some growth in my person somewhere along the year and need to focus in doing so now, I guess it always catches up with you. I am dedicated to discipline, being early, commitment and passion or joy in the moment, with myself unleashed of the embraces of romance for the time being. Something about growing on my own , without romantic entanglements feels right, but its hard as hell seeing from the pattern I have created for myself in the past , lets say, ten years. Let me take the time to heal myself now then. to find deliverance from sufferance through doing things that are good for me, to my heart's ultimate content, serving my higher self, my higher purpose. Anyway, that is all for now from my stream of consciousness for the evening. Have not written in so long, but it sure feels good to be back. X

Care Bears in the Land Without Feelings

2008-07-21T13:56:00.000-07:00

This is awesome.

CAREBEAR LOVE!

2008-07-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

Wow I just had this wierd major enlightening moment yesterday that I need recognition for. Rather I just understood how beautiful and effective it was to use the imagery of CAREBEARS to express Universal LOve. How to change your negative projections about someone in your life into expressions of confidence, trust and love by sending them Love projectiles from your belly, like a carebear, and visualizing them receiving and giving a stream of love, joy, openness from your belly to theirs. DOES ANYONE GET ME? I think this is brilliant.

Visualization is one of the most effective ways of creating change in energy dynamics in your life, because usually confronted is more unconscious. But the more we can visualize something the more it become reality in life. The same way, if we are feeling ackward, angry, resentful, shy, intimidated by someone in our lives, if only we can imagine them in their most open and caring form, that is what we will start and be able to perceive from them, and then our behaviour of openness and trust will inevitably create that attitude and atmosphere that is conducive to bringing out that best side of them out in our interactions with them.

Too far out for you? It makes perfect sense once you try it! Okay I feel alone and really wierd in my understanding of CareBear love but I had to put it out there and I would be happy if even just one person understood me. Maybe I will tell kids , they are smart. :)

x

J'aurais voulu être un artiste

2008-07-19T22:51:00.000-07:00

C'est beau, non.. a little sad.

J'aurais voulu être un artiste

J'ai du succès dans mes affaires
J'ai du succès dans mes amours
Je change souvent de secrétaire

(I'm doing well in my business
I'm doing well in my love affairs
I change secretary often)

J'ai mon bureau en haut d'une tour
D'où je vois la ville à l'envers
D'où je contrôle mon univers

(I have my office on top of a tower
From where I see the town upside down
From where I control my universe)

J'passe la moitié d'ma vie en l'air
Entre New York et Singapour
Je voyage toujours en première

(I spend half my life in the air
Between New York and Singapore
I always travel in first (class))

J'ai ma résidence secondaire
Dans tous les Hilton de la terre
J'peux pas supporter la misère...

(I have my second home
In all the Hilton's on Earth
I can't accept misery)

J'suis pas heureux mais j'en ai l'air
J'ai perdu le sens de l'humour
Depuis que j'ai le sens des affaires

(I'm not happy, but I look like I am
I lost humour sense
Since I got the business sense)

J'ai réussi et j'en suis fier
Au fond je n'ai qu'un seul regret
J'fais pas c'que j'aurais voulu faire...

(I succeeded and I'm proud of it
In fact I have only one regret
It's not what I wanted to do)

J'aurais voulu être un artiste
Pour pouvoir faire mon numéro
Quand l'avion se pose sur la piste
À Rotterdam ou à Rio
J'aurais voulu être un chanteur
Pour pouvoir crier qui je suis
J'aurais voulu être un auteur
Pour pouvoir inventer ma vie

(I wanted to be an artist
To be able to do my show
When the airplane touches the ground
In Rotterdam or Rio
I wanted to be a singer
To be able to shout who I am
I wanted to be an author
To be able to create my life)

J'aurais voulu être un acteur
Pour tous les jours changer de peau
Et pour pouvoir me trouver beau
Sur un grand écran en couleurs

(I wanted to be an actor
So every day I would change my skin
And to find myself beautifull
On a big color screen)

J'aurais voulu être un artiste
Pour pouvoir être un anachiste
Et vivre comme...un millionnaire

(I wanted to be an artist
To be able to be an anarchist
And live like a...millionaire)

J'aurais voulu être un artiste
Pour avoir le monde à refaire
Pour pouvoir dire pourquoi j'existe

(I wanted to be an artist
To have the world to do again
To be able to tell why I exist)

So that is why we do what we do.
Love 2ETx

Okay. Well, while I am at it.

2008-07-19T22:40:00.001-07:00

Don't Laugh.

My two favorite Celine Dion songs, they are both sung in French and beautiful.

S'il Suffisait D'Aimer

Ziggy

J'aurais Voulu Etre un Artiste

Okay, now you can laugh.

Francis Cabrel

2008-07-19T22:13:00.001-07:00

Oh Man.. I forgot how much I loved Francis Cabrel songs. De belles chansons qui me font penser a mon enfance..Elles m'embarquent dans un monde surreel d'amour, d'innocence, de reves et d'espoir ... And that is all still very real to me. X X

Il Faudra Leur Dire

Je t'aimais, Je t'aime et Je t'aimerai

Je l'Aime a Mourir

L'Encre de tes Yeux

Qui a le Droit

True.
<3
Thuy x

And the Year comes to an End

2008-07-07T01:04:00.001-07:00

Wow I have not written in a while.

First I would like to say that the next book in my Amazon cart is The Hidden Messages in Water, by Masaru Emoto. I know that I posted a blog about this a while back, but I was browsing through his book and it was so interesting.

Anyway. I have finished a new chapter in my studious life as an actor, yr 1 of my conservatory training, which included finishing up a Shakespeare intensive course, A reading for contemporary play, A cameo in a school play, getting a talent manager and a few interesting auditions in between. Also karaoke time, what fun.

I also have met a wealth of amazing talented fellow actors, actresses and teachers most importantly, and that has been life changing and definetely an inspiration for pursuing my path. I found myself lonely oftentimes I think because I don't go out and party* as much as I would at home, and in a way I think that is a good thing. Also, I find myself with a number of hand picked friends around me now with whom I feel absolutely comfortable bantering about, in a way that keeps a very guiding light in my life, mostly of the boyish variety. I don't know, maybe I need more estrogen in my life, who knows. But I am so happy tonight. SO Soo happy, and grateful for all the wonderful things that I have been blessed with in this past year, in my life, for the love and friends, family that surround me, and I would not trade that for the world.

I am keeping a gratitude journal nowadays too, and it surprises me just how effective it is.. Reminding yourself of everything good that has happened in your day just shifts your whole point of view into appreciating every little thing in life. Apparently I am doing a 22 days NO-COMPLAINING experiment, started july 4, to july 26. My friend is doing this, something to do with wearing a bracelet as a reminder? Anyway, I don't know if I complain a lot, but I probably do more than I realize. the main ones are "I'm tired, i can't, i don't feel like it, i am lazy', i am not loved enough, i don't love enough, i am not good enough.
ok
well.
maybe I do complain a lot.
And at times this week when I caught myself psychobabbling in my head, I reminded myself of the pact, and I can just get rid of this shit-talk. so try it and see if it works for you.

Also.
if you can't drink, take Pepsid AC /extra strength before, and it seems to work for beer so far.

i am done blablah. bed.
Thuyx

Busy as a Beeeeee

2008-05-07T23:02:00.000-07:00

Oh fuck me. I feel overwhelmed with myself today. Maybe because I ain't sleeping properly? I don't know. There are wonderful things I am grateful for in my life at the moment, but sometimes, I just want to say fuck it and go to the beach and see Radiohead in concert. You know? Maybe its just the tiredness talking, and I have to just get the motorboat running again. And it ran not so bad today. But I feel like I miss human connections and just relaxing sometimes. Maybe its all in my head. But that's how I feel right now, and I thought well, just take a friggin chill pill and take it one step at a time and things won't feel so crazy. Where are my to-do lists/?? jeezus I ought to clean up in this mess because I can't find a decent pen or paper around. Anywayhooo I want to be a superhero, lemme figure out which one. I think japanese anime might have a cool chick with superpowers I'll own. I feel like DARIA tonight. rantrantrantablankblank xxx

Busta Rhymes - Don't Touch Me

2008-04-19T02:24:00.000-07:00

I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!!!

Bi(Rain) vs Se7en --Dance Battle

2008-04-08T22:10:00.000-07:00

Ooh.. <3

THIS I BELIEVE. ORG

2008-03-27T22:19:00.000-07:00

THIS I BELIEVE: SELECTED POEMS FROM THE UNIVERSAL STREAMS OF CONSCIOUSNESS

By Chantal Thuy

ABOUT CHANTAL THUY:
Hometown: Montreal. Descendant of Vietnamese and French origin.
Currently pursuing Theatre training at Stella Adler Studio of Acting, in New York. Holds a BA Communication Studies, Broadcasting. Has traveled and lived in Montreal, San Francisco and Hawaii.

“Life, Dreams, Fear, Love, and Sex.” This I believe are a few of the eternal themes imprinted in our universal human psyche which can be beautifully expressed through automatic writing. Its rich, bountiful expression left a sweet taste on my spirit in the afterglow of branding it on paper; I hope you will perceive the essence of the things that have inspired me, for the things in which I believe.

Poems included:
I WILL
LIFE IS A DREAM
THIS THING WE CALL FEAR
THE FLOOD
AMAZED

I WILL

I have not yet reached the true potentiality residing in me which I owe to humanity...
There it lies beneath fear and doubt, unsettling and disturbing. The truest test of bravery, audacity, capabilities.
Finding the Self, discovered only when talent unveils itself after surpassing obstacles of the mind and reality. I Will.
I will blindingly plunge head first into uncertainties.
I will risk perils of destroying Ego and pride, left untouched until now.
Uncovered, displayed, humiliation now serves a truer purpose.
Reaching deeper than the past felt abyss of the Self, beyond imaginable possibilities.
I owe it to the One. Destruction of doubt first achieved through the wisdom of human possibility of attaining everything or nothing through heartfelt will.
Destruction of fear after surmounting the horrendous stage of birth into the unknown.
The wisdom of "I Will"; the life reality represents the truest nature of the magical and dreamlike state of the cosmos, where the world is a playground on which the self must find its rides.
Fearlessly play the game of life --Listen to the inner child saying I Can Everything [One].

LIFE IS A DREAM

Intertwine the cosmos, partaking in realities [realities, banalities].
Destroy the banalities of realities: no limit. No nothing; philosophy; time; space finality. End is beginning. Start now: forget or remember, but listen. Open: escape velocity. Truth. Words. Words: everything, yet nothing. Zero equals to one, because One is everything and everything is nothing, therefore nothing is zero. Zero is nothing, everything. Oneness.

Banalities.
But a dream.
Make your own reality.
Suffocate. Annihilate community mass philosophy.

The world is but a One.
A One of infinity.
Infinity: never ending spiraling eccentricity. Serendipitously floating body of indescribable something. Unperceivable in mind thoughts.
Open heart fully.
Listen carefully: the escape of reality, unfolds truthfully.

What? Words. Spiritually communicated eyes perception instead.
How? Above described again reminds of the incapability and limitations of knowledge and learnt acquired truths amounting to nothingness.
Where? Somewhere too close to grasp, too far to reach. Attained on gibbering symbols on matter.
Flow out into space until once upon a time,
Words no longer talk from the mind,
But from everything, or something in space, all partaking in the same body expressed in symbols to the recipient.

There: no Self. No words of self; Words of life.

Not philosophy,
Not human truth,
Not intelligence. Tiredness of thinking, letting go of mind into the chaotic knowledge of potentials in symbolism.

THIS THING WE CALL FEAR

I'm scared. Shitless.
But, I decided today (again),
A reminder from a little voice inside
That I am going to go on—
No matter what.
Figure out what is this thing we call fear.
Say hello,
Walk beside it,
Face it,
Smile at it,
Love it,
Make love to it,
And find out what and where it comes from
To see (once and for all)
If it needed to have been there in the first place.

Fight the fear,
Love the fear,
Embrace the fear.
Fear hopes that you will overcome your shyness towards it
And maybe in time, see it as a friend.
For what is fear
But your guiding voices of reason,
Heeding danger and devising preemptive defenses.
Never let it get in your way
Because it is not the path, but,
Instead, serves as one of many loyal guides.

THE FLOOD

(My friend, sleep tight.
In tomorrow, comes rising surprises—
Up with a jolt!
Spurring excesses;
The beautiful remainders
Of yesterday's nocturnal woes.)

I need not hold on too tightly as I observe the dawn on the horizon.
It moves me deeply—what a sight! The moment caresses me; I quiver.
I grab on, with a firmer grip,
The railing below shuddering slightly under my pressure.
Our eyes, twinkling, given to the rising sun.
And it penetrates me, squeezing its warmth onto my skin.
I am ignited by the sudden burn;
Shaking; the trembles flood my body—
Sweat drenched avalanche of steaming lava;
Hot, juicy fluid flowing down the valley!
O, moist dew on the soft rose petals!
The sun, now gloriously beaming,
Proud and shining on our nakedness!
We take it all in,
We take it all in,
We take it all in,
And breathe it all out in exalted unison.

AMAZED

I look into your eyes
And see rings around the Moon:
Your pupils are dilated
Like the sun at High noon.
Beat of the drum,
Liquefies the present.
The smell of your touch
Solidifies my thought.
The pen that brands the page
Forever keeps us engaged
In a delightful daze,
Amazed.

hot shit

2008-03-22T23:01:00.001-07:00

Katharine Hepburn's speech 1947 against HUAC

2008-03-17T17:23:00.001-07:00

The first part of Katharine Hepburn's speech against HUAC (House Un-American Activities Committee) in 1947 at the height of the Red Scare.

I love Joanna Newsom

2008-03-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

Joanna Newsom - Peach, Plum, Pear

IMMANUEL KANT: What is Enlightenment?

2008-03-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

http://www.english.upenn.edu/~mgamer/Etexts/kant.html -THANKS LEILA!

IMMANUEL KANT
An Answer to the Question:
What is Enlightenment? (1784)
Enlightenment is man's emergence from his self-imposed immaturity. Immaturity is the inability to use one's understanding without guidance from another. This immaturity is self-imposed when its cause lies not in lack of understanding, but in lack of resolve and courage to use it without guidance from another. Sapere Aude! [dare to know] "Have courage to use your own understanding!"--that is the motto of enlightenment.

Laziness and cowardice are the reasons why so great a proportion of men, long after nature has released them from alien guidance (natura-liter maiorennes), nonetheless gladly remain in lifelong immaturity, and why it is so easy for others to establish themselves as their guardians. It is so easy to be immature. If I have a book to serve as my understanding, a pastor to serve as my conscience, a physician to determine my diet for me, and so on, I need not exert myself at all. I need not think, if only I can pay: others will readily undertake the irksome work for me. The guardians who have so benevolently taken over the supervision of men have carefully seen to it that the far greatest part of them (including the entire fair sex) regard taking the step to maturity as very dangerous, not to mention difficult. Having first made their domestic livestock dumb, and having carefully made sure that these docile creatures will not take a single step without the go-cart to which they are harnessed, these guardians then show them the danger that threatens them, should they attempt to walk alone. Now this danger is not actually so great, for after falling a few times they would in the end certainly learn to walk; but an example of this kind makes men timid and usually frightens them out of all further attempts.

Thus, it is difficult for any individual man to work himself out of the immaturity that has all but become his nature. He has even become fond of this state and for the time being is actually incapable of using his own understanding, for no one has ever allowed him to attempt it. Rules and formulas, those mechanical aids to the rational use, or rather misuse, of his natural gifts, are the shackles of a permanent immaturity. Whoever threw them off would still make only an uncertain leap over the smallest ditch, since he is unaccustomed to this kind of free movement. Consequently, only a few have succeeded, by cultivating their own minds, in freeing themselves from immaturity and pursuing a secure course.

But that the public should enlighten itself is more likely; indeed, if it is only allowed freedom, enlightenment is almost inevitable. For even among the entrenched guardians of the great masses a few will always think for themselves, a few who, after having themselves thrown off the yoke of immaturity, will spread the spirit of a rational appreciation for both their own worth and for each person's calling to think for himself. But it should be particularly noted that if a public that was first placed in this yoke by the guardians is suitably aroused by some of those who are altogether incapable of enlightenment, it may force the guardians themselves to remain under the yoke--so pernicious is it to instill prejudices, for they finally take revenge upon their originators, or on their descendants. Thus a public can only attain enlightenment slowly. Perhaps a revolution can overthrow autocratic despotism and profiteering or power-grabbing oppression, but it can never truly reform a manner of thinking; instead, new prejudices, just like the old ones they replace, will serve as a leash for the great unthinking mass.

Nothing is required for this enlightenment, however, except freedom; and the freedom in question is the least harmful of all, namely, the freedom to use reason publicly in all matters. But on all sides I hear: "Do not argue!" The officer says, "Do not argue, drill!" The tax man says, "Do not argue, pay!" The pastor says, "Do not argue, believe!" (Only one ruler in the World says, "Argue as much as you want and about what you want, but obey!") In this we have examples of pervasive restrictions on freedom. But which restriction hinders enlightenment and which does not, but instead actually advances it? I reply: The public use of one's reason must always be free, and it alone can bring about enlightenment among mankind; the private use of reason may, however, often be very narrowly restricted, without otherwise hindering the progress of enlightenment. By the public use of one's own reason I understand the use that anyone as a scholar makes of reason before the entire literate world. I call the private use of reason that which a person may make in a civic post or office that has been entrusted to him. Now in many affairs conducted in the interests of a community, a certain mechanism is required by means of which some of its members must conduct themselves in an entirely passive manner so that through an artificial unanimity the government may guide them toward public ends, or at least prevent them from destroying such ends. Here one certainly must not argue, instead one must obey. However, insofar as this part of the machine also regards himself as a member of the community as a whole, or even of the world community, and as a consequence addresses the public in the role of a scholar, in the proper sense of that term, he can most certainly argue, without thereby harming the affairs for which as a passive member he is partly responsible. Thus it would be disastrous if an officer on duty who was given a command by his superior were to question the appropriateness or utility of the order. He must obey. But as a scholar he cannot be justly constrained from making comments about errors in military service, or from placing them before the public for its judgment. The citizen cannot refuse to pay the taxes imposed on him; indeed, impertinent criticism of such levies, when they should be paid by him, can be punished as a scandal (since it can lead to widespread insubordination). But the same person does not act contrary to civic duty when, as a scholar, he publicly expresses his thoughts regarding the impropriety or even injustice of such taxes. Likewise a pastor is bound to instruct his catecumens and congregation in accordance with the symbol of the church he serves, for he was appointed on that condition. But as a scholar he has complete freedom, indeed even the calling, to impart to the public all of his carefully considered and well-intentioned thoughts concerning mistaken aspects of that symbol, as well as his suggestions for the better arrangement of religious and church matters. Nothing in this can weigh on his conscience. What he teaches in consequence of his office as a servant of the church he sets out as something with regard to which he has no discretion to teach in accord with his own lights; rather, he offers it under the direction and in the name of another. He will say, "Our church teaches this or that and these are the demonstrations it uses." He thereby extracts for his congregation all practical uses from precepts to which he would not himself subscribe with complete conviction, but whose presentation he can nonetheless undertake, since it is not entirely impossible that truth lies hidden in them, and, in any case, nothing contrary to the very nature of religion is to be found in them. If he believed he could find anything of the latter sort in them, he could not in good conscience serve in his position; he would have to resign. Thus an appointed teacher's use of his reason for the sake of his congregation is merely private, because, however large the congregation is, this use is always only domestic; in this regard, as a priest, he is not free and cannot be such because he is acting under instructions from someone else. By contrast, the cleric--as a scholar who speaks through his writings to the public as such, i.e., the world--enjoys in this public use of reason an unrestricted freedom to use his own rational capacities and to speak his own mind. For that the (spiritual) guardians of a people should themselves be immature is an absurdity that would insure the perpetuation of absurdities.

But would a society of pastors, perhaps a church assembly or venerable presbytery (as those among the Dutch call themselves), not be justified in binding itself by oath to a certain unalterable symbol in order to secure a constant guardianship over each of its members and through them over the people, and this for all time: I say that this is wholly impossible. Such a contract, whose intention is to preclude forever all further enlightenment of the human race, is absolutely null and void, even if it should be ratified by the supreme power, by parliaments, and by the most solemn peace treaties. One age cannot bind itself, and thus conspire, to place a succeeding one in a condition whereby it would be impossible for the later age to expand its knowledge (particularly where it is so very important), to rid itself of errors,and generally to increase its enlightenment. That would be a crime against human nature, whose essential destiny lies precisely in such progress; subsequent generations are thus completely justified in dismissing such agreements as unauthorized and criminal. The criterion of everything that can be agreed upon as a law by a people lies in this question: Can a people impose such a law on itself? Now it might be possible, in anticipation of a better state of affairs, to introduce a provisional order for a specific, short time, all the while giving all citizens, especially clergy, in their role as scholars, the freedom to comment publicly, i.e., in writing, on the present institution's shortcomings. The provisional order might last until insight into the nature of these matters had become so widespread and obvious that the combined (if not unanimous) voices of the populace could propose to the crown that it take under its protection those congregations that, in accord with their newly gained insight, had organized themselves under altered religious institutions, but without interfering with those wishing to allow matters to remain as before. However, it is absolutely forbidden that they unite into a religious organization that nobody may for the duration of a man's lifetime publicly question, for so do-ing would deny, render fruitless, and make detrimental to succeeding generations an era in man's progress toward improvement. A man may put off enlightenment with regard to what he ought to know, though only for a short time and for his own person; but to renounce it for himself, or, even more, for subsequent generations, is to violate and trample man's divine rights underfoot. And what a people may not decree for itself may still less be imposed on it by a monarch, for his lawgiving authority rests on his unification of the people's collective will in his own. If he only sees to it that all genuine or purported improvement is consonant with civil order, he can allow his subjects to do what they find necessary to their spiritual well-being, which is not his affair. However, he must prevent anyone from forcibly interfering with another's working as best he can to determine and promote his well-being. It detracts from his own majesty when he interferes in these matters, since the writings in which his subjects attempt to clarify their insights lend value to his conception of governance. This holds whether he acts from his own highest insight--whereby he calls upon himself the reproach, "Caesar non eat supra grammaticos."'--as well as, indeed even more, when he despoils his highest authority by supporting the spiritual despotism of some tyrants in his state over his other subjects.

If it is now asked, "Do we presently live in an enlightened age?" the answer is, "No, but we do live in an age of enlightenment." As matters now stand, a great deal is still lacking in order for men as a whole to be, or even to put themselves into a position to be able without external guidance to apply understanding confidently to religious issues. But we do have clear indications that the way is now being opened for men to proceed freely in this direction and that the obstacles to general enlightenment--to their release from their self-imposed immaturity--are gradually diminishing. In this regard, this age is the age of enlightenment, the century of Frederick.

A prince who does not find it beneath him to say that he takes it to be his duty to prescribe nothing, but rather to allow men complete freedom in religious matters--who thereby renounces the arrogant title of tolerance--is himself enlightened and deserves to be praised by a grateful present and by posterity as the first, at least where the government is concerned, to release the human race from immaturity and to leave everyone free to use his own reason in all matters of conscience. Under his rule, venerable pastors, in their role as scholars and without prejudice to their official duties, may freely and openly set out for the world's scrutiny their judgments and views, even where these occasionally differ from the accepted symbol. Still greater freedom is afforded to those who are not restricted by an official post. This spirit of freedom is expanding even where it must struggle against the external obstacles of governments that misunderstand their own function. Such governments are illuminated by the example that the existence of freedom need not give cause for the least concern regarding public order and harmony in the commonwealth. If only they refrain from inventing artifices to keep themselves in it, men will gradually raise themselves from barbarism.

I have focused on religious matters in setting out my main point concerning enlightenment, i.e., man's emergence from self-imposed immaturity, first because our rulers have no interest in assuming the role of their subjects' guardians with respect to the arts and sciences, and secondly because that form of immaturity is both the most pernicious and disgraceful of all. But the manner of thinking of a head of state who favors religious enlightenment goes even further, for he realizes that there is no danger to his legislation in allowing his subjects to use reason publicly and to set before the world their thoughts concerning better formulations of his laws, even if this involves frank criticism of legislation currently in effect. We have before us a shining example, with respect to which no monarch surpasses the one whom we honor.

But only a ruler who is himself enlightened and has no dread of shadows, yet who likewise has a well-disciplined, numerous army to guarantee public peace, can say what no republic may dare, namely: "Argue as much as you want and about what you want, but obey!" Here as elsewhere, when things are considered in broad perspective, a strange, unexpected pattern in human affairs reveals itself, one in which almost everything is paradoxical. A greater degree of civil freedom seems advantageous to a people's spiritual freedom; yet the former established impassable boundaries for the latter; conversely, a lesser degree of civil freedom provides enough room for all fully to expand their abilities. Thus, once nature has removed the hard shell from this kernel for which she has most fondly cared, namely, the inclination to and vocation for free thinking, the kernel gradually reacts on a people's mentality (whereby they become increasingly able to act freely), and it finally even influences the principles of government, which finds that it can profit by treating men, who are now more than machines, in accord with their dignity.

I. Kant
Konigsberg in Prussia, 30 September 1784

Who is Thuy: Cap ou pas cap? CAP.

2008-03-06T23:55:00.000-08:00

wellDuh I know Who I am . i mean I mostly live my being in the moment and then that is who I am, but now for this poetry project, I am going through this reexamination period where I have to figure it out too concretely. plus I dont believe in putting labels on myself or people bc I know it to be so much more complex and deep than that, and everrrr changing. but in a sense it makes sense bc it puts you in check with you RIGHT NOW, whatever it is that you believe, feel, world views etc. fears hope..
well what is it that I want to teach or inspire other people about .what do i feel strongly about and that i think is worth bringing out to the public sphere to make people think.question.reassess.shock them outa of themselves. feel.believe. what do i think is missing in this world that i have i can offer in terms of insight and lessons and creativity i have uncovered thus far as being truth in lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hunnnnnnnnnn thuy what. well peaches yes you got me right
1- polyandry. two guys for every girl. or nonmonogamy. FREE LOVE.
i dont believe in monogamy. i dont believe in our current LOVE. i dont believe in jealousy. I dont believein cheating. dont kid yourself if you think you can stop that. I dont believe in STALE dull tired love. I dont believe in dutiful love. I dont believe in bounded traditional love-me-i-love-you forever. I dont believe in fearful love, or that love can exist in fear. I believe in free love, in love being 'the ULTIMATE OUTLAW'.
2- life is your playground. break the rules, think outside the box, uncondition yourself from limits, find your own boundaries, find your own beliefs system, you are free, possibilities are limitless , take risks, dare to care, dare to be yourself, dare to be different, dare to live off the edge, on the edge, dare to fulfill yourself & your pleasure/bliss, life is a dream-make your own reality. Inhalinate community mass philosophy, freedom/happiness/truth as ultimate goals in life, unboring work hard. dare to dream.
3- Syncronicity. letting go.
4- Religions=different means for same end.
5- the best way to help mankind is to perfect yourself-krisna
6- Spirituality/divinatory arts/metaphysics/etc tools for self-analysis/knowledge
7- Balance
8- LOVE
9- political/social issues- Asian American in media/US, Homelessness/Drug addiction misconception/neg stereotypes, feminist issues/liberty, Racism, Educating/Inspiring today's Youth, breaking worn out ideas/institutions in society ie. marriage/relationship/love/sex/femininity/asian females-cultural/Language issues/Work/Art
10- and yet, YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW i am woman of many contradictions, wherein these beliefs are tried and tested truth, but i'd say my MIND CONDITIONING makes me oft neurotic & contradictory to these important truths, and they come up as jealousy, fear,insecurity, distrust, OCD over banalities, to-do-lists, spider solitary til 5am, procrastrination/laziness, caring about ext judgement, and other obssessive compulsive behavior. well whatever i love everything that makes me imperfect, so much more fun to live with myself too.

basically, i like to shake people up and make them question their conditioned beliefs and free them up from limitations on their infinite freedom. I thrive on that I want more players in this game of life to play truth or dare with!! relly, that's it. i WANT MORE PLAYERS IN THE LIFE GAME OF TRUTH OR DARE, WHERE YOU CHOOSE TRUTH=KNOW THYSELF, OR DARE=ACT+BE BOLD! Either way, it will be fun. Who cares??!!

B/C Society=ultimately functions and is created to suppress individuality and the individual's freedom--the whole basis of society is to function as mass entity, mass community; if everyone started to think for themselves, the whole concept of society would crumble. And it is a good thing. Because there is nothing more important in life than LIVING. in your own body, soul, spirit, with freedom of thought, being, expression. Following bliss. People would be happier.. bc we are born unique. we are born with a blank slate in our being and its our birthright to explore this world on our own terms. Where do the inventors/geniuses/superstars/artist/gurus/etcetcetc come from?? not a product of society, I am sure of that. they all have in common that they have chosen to walk the road less travelled, dared to follow their own hearts/ dared to think for themselves and create their own belief systems seperate from society and ultimately found themselves and their freedom. I TRIPLE DARE YOU! cap ou pas cap? Game on or not? Will you do it? Because I will.

OSHO: The Compulsion to Reach Power and Prestige

2008-03-06T00:24:00.001-08:00

OSHO: Jealousy- society's device to divide and rule

2008-03-05T23:52:00.001-08:00

OSHO: Marriage and Children

2008-03-05T23:23:00.001-08:00

OSHO: Why Do I get So Sensitive?

2008-03-05T23:05:00.000-08:00

Love And Hate are One

2008-03-05T23:04:00.000-08:00

OSHO

2008-03-05T23:01:00.000-08:00

The Stage

2008-02-29T16:09:00.000-08:00

Inspire.

Communicate.

Entertain.

Own Yourself. Own the Stage. Time Limit. Urgency. Whole Experience. Enjoy Life. Don't be Cool, Have a sense of Humour. The Fool. Inspiring. Motivating. Commanding. Energized. Credible. Focused. Confident. Compelling. Ability to Connect Authentically the with Thoughts & Feelings of Others. From Within. Inner Child Nutured. GOAL IS ENJOYMENT, HAPPINESS. RECEIVE LOVE WITHOUT BEING PERFECT IS OKAY. Expect to be Loved. Listen to Inner Wisdom, Intuition, Gut Feelings. Adventure. Awareness. Let go of Judgement.

BE A FOOL

"The Fool follows the call of his Heart and Expresses
the Joy and Self-Confidence of the Inner Child.

If Something Doesn't turn out the way he Wants,
He does not Reject Himself.
He Simply Accepts it and Finds another Path.

The Fool Does not care about Judgements,
or Misjudgement of Others.

--Be Kind And Gentle with Yourself,
and Take some Steps on this very rewarding Path
of Being Content with Yourself for No Particular Reason.

(Isnt it lovely, I dont remember what website Im paraphrasing from)
CHEERSXXXXXC

Treasured words to look up

2008-02-29T14:49:00.000-08:00

You know , I've never been happier than right now. I don't have any regrets, I am simply being, here and now, nothing more; nothing less. All I have to do is laundry:)
But I am so proud and satisfied about the work and energy I have finally been pouring into my homework, and indeed it does pay off. I realized that its increadibly hard to be sustaining a social/relationship while being in training, and I am happy to have listened to my gutt on this one. I actually really like being so free right now, except when I am getting my Juliet energy on, then I start thinking about my Romeo, and thats no one in particular, i mean that as an energy feeling. I've been getting into funny bouts of humour as of late, and I realized that its different characters seeping into my life, so I write through them in my character journals, which I would like to do more often. Anyway, something I found really helps me now, and i think its through Kohli/Bernard/Ron- 1 word to describe your character (80%), then find meaning + derivates.
I did this and I got a little obsessed with it and did it for 5 hours for 1 FUCKEN WORD!! but i found plenty of inspiration and imagery that worked for me, hell ya I love doing homework supernerd.

WORDSSSSSSS
Fair. candid. Ingenuous. Frank. Magnanimous. Noble. Treasure. Free. Innocent. Licentious. Familiar. Eager. Free thought. Unreserved. Unrestrained. Delirious. Excited. Aroused. Stimulated. Goad. Needle. Humility. Submissive. Yielding. Attentive. Contemplative. Thoughtful. Discreet. Considerate. Ponder. Sinless. Coy. Playful. Bashful. Spirited. Gamey. Risque. Mischievous. Saucy. Pert. Flippant. Squirrel. Levity. Impertinent. Impudent. Bold. Audacious. Flip-flopper. Brassy. Freshness. Glow. Beaming. Radiance. Glitter. Glory. Passionate. A candlestick, chandelier, Sunrise. Aura. Halo. Clouds. Light. Shiny. Luster. Showy. Striking. Attractive. Star, Diamond, or Wood Sparkles. Sun. Splendor. Glare. Warmth. Heat. Passsionate. Moved. Ardor. Eagerness. Love. Fervor. Fire. Affection. Holy Zeal. Deep seated glow of the Soul. Freedom. Enkindle. Evocative. Flame. Blaze. Justice. Honesty. Passion. Desire. Influenced by external. Easily moved internally. Easily brought to Action. Sensitivity. Uncontrollable. Inordinate desire. Rhetorical Skill. Disorder. Madness. Love Birds. Love charm. Obssession. Besiege. Fixation. Compulsive. Firm. Steady. Tranfix. Pierce. Desire. Longing. Lust. Appetite. Entreat. Gratitude. Thankfulness. Appreciation. Agreeable. Warm. Friendly. Witty. Good Humour. Comfort. Pleasure. Welcome. Delightful. Sensual. Fleshy. Carnal. Lewd. Libidinous. Licentious. Lascivious. Voluptuous. Lustful. Beauty. Susceptible. Grace. Elegance. Expression. Free of clouds. Without cheating. Hnadsome. Beautiful. Open, Direct, Clear. Cloudless. Smooth. Flowing. Frankness. Impartiality. Upright. Free from suspicion or Bias. Pleasing. Favorable. Inspiring Hope and Confidence. Distinct. Festive. Auspicious. Courteous. Sweetheart. Good luck, good fortune. Directness or speech and manner. Without subtelety or evasion. Blunt. Straight shooting. Forthright. Outspoken without being rude. Open and trusting nature. Starkly realistic. Artless. Unbiased. Equitable. Freeborn. Noble. Generous. High-Minded. Honorable. Sincere. Natural boldness. dislike of self-restraint. Simplicity. Willing to Confess Faults. Willing to make his feelings known without reserve. Frank. Charming. Loose. Unbound by restrictions, limitations. Generous in spirit. Tolerant. Understanding. Grudgeless. Large, lofty courageous spirit. Great Mind. Elevated in Soul or Sentiment. Nobleness of Soul. Worthy. High Moral Goals, qualities. Well-known, Famous, Highborn. Possessing Eminence, Elevation, Dignity. Statues, grand, stately magnificient. Splendid as a noble Edifice, statue. Exalted rank, pertaining to nobility. Aristocracy. Gold, Silver, Platinum. Dignified. Elevated. Exalted. Superior. Sublime. Great. Eminent. Illustrious. Renowned. Liberal. Free will, choice. Able to free one's impulses, desires, inclinations. Determine one's course of actions. Will. Guiltless. Unconstrained by timidity or distrust. Communicative. Lavish. Charming. Easy. Ready. Acting without Spurring on Whipping, Spirited. Free as a Horse. Made accessible to all. To be enjoyed without limitations. Engrossed. Gratuitous. Spontaneous. Assuring Liberty. Privileged or individual. Unconventional. Unrestrained regardless of formalities. Freely. Willingly. To release. Reactive. Raving. Wild. Excited. Frantic. Light-headed. Wandering Mind. Richly and Brilliantly colorful. Mad Whirl of Pleasure. Something Frantic in their Gaiety. Uncontrollable Excitement or Emotion. Aroused State. Move Rapidly. To call to activity in any way. To Rouse to Feeling. To kindle passionate emotion. To Excite a person, the spirits, the passions. Excite Heat by Friction. Increase Vital activity of Organism. Awaken. Animate. Inflame. Stimulate. Provoke. State of Greater Tension. Keenly Excited, Sexually. Feeling Horny. Feeling great sexual desire. Stimulate. Animate to more vigorous Action. Prospect of Glory. Hope of reward. Encourage. Impel. Give heart or courage to. Slender. Humbleness. Freedom from Pride and Arrogance. Modesty. A sense of one's own self worth without underrating ourselves. Preserves soul in Tranquility. Patient under trials. Inclined or Ready. Obedient. Humble. Compliant. Surrender. Lacking Stiffness. Relieving/Getting Rid of Unnecessary Pressure. To make an Offering. To pay. Restore. To Relinquish. To allow. To give Reward. Bless. Flexible. Compliant. Accomodating. Without sacrifice of his Dignity. Taking Heed. Giving close and thoughtful Attention. Heedful. Thoughtful. Intent. Observant. Courteous. Watchful. Prudent. Good Sense. Full or Thought. Meditation. Exercising Judgement. Concerned. Reflects to guard himself against Error. Rarely neglects his duties or his true interests. Musing. Study in Silence. Wonder. Ponder. Free of Sin. Simple. Foolish. Natural. Without cunning or deceit. Sincere. Honest. Undesigning. Open. Affectedly modest in a playful or provocative way. Alluring. Carelessness. Hands. Stroking. Coquetry. Stillness. Soft. Gentle. Full of fun and High Spirits. Humorous. Merry. Displaying Animation, Vigor. Liveliness. Lively Action. A bouncing Gait. Bouncy. Peppy. Willing to Face Danger. Game. Gritty. Spunky. Mysteriously. Rapidly. Secretly. Agency of Spirit. Animated. Full or life and vigor. Vivacious. Bold. Hazardous. Risky. Suggestive of what is Indecent. Lightly Pert. Exuberant Quality. Irreverent Gaiety. Ease of Manner. Overbold. Smart. Sassay. Impudence. Trangressing Rules of Decorum. Saucy Eyes, Saucy Looks. True. Known. Undisguised. Lively, Brisk, Sprightly. Full of Play. Fluent. Rapid Speech. Speaking with Ease and Rapidity. Voluble Tongue. Talkative. Speaking Fluently and Confidently. Lightness of Manner, Floating Upon. Contrary to , or offending against, the Rules of Good Breeding, Unblushingly Forward, Audacious. Inclined to take Liberties. Pure. Fresh. Refreshingly Novel. Novelty. An Alert and Fresh State. Originality by virtue of being new and surprising. Fresh Air. Open Air. Freshness of Cheeks. Alert and Ready State. Incandescence. Glow of New Love. Emit a Steady, Even Light Without Flames. Show a Strong steady Bright Color like Red or Pink. Shine Intensely, As with Heat. Make the People's Hearts Glow. Feeling of well-being and Happiness. Beaming with Joy. Shine with intense or White Heat. Vivid Light and Heat. Brilliant. Bright red with Heat. Hot. Burning Sensations. Exercise. Flush. Sending out Rays of Light. Quality of being Bright. Good Health and Happiness. Brilliancy. Vivid Brightness as the Radiance of the Sun. Quality that Outshines the Ordinary. Splendor. Glare. Glitter. Luster. Sparkling Brightly. Showy Luster. Glitter of Royal Equipage. Specious. Reflect Brightly the Stars. Emit Flashes of Light. Pearly. Silky. Splendent. Glistening. Glimmering. Glory of the Sunrise. Radiant Glow drawn around the Head of a Saint. Rejoice Proudly. Praise. Honor. Admiration or Distinction. High Reputation, Honorable Fame. Renown. Glory to God in the Highest. Presence of Divine Being. Manifestation of the Divine Nature. Rays of Gold. Visionary. Glowing Gold, warm and glorious Light. Ardent in Feelng or Desire. Impassion. Intensity. Feeling of Strong Eagerness. Intense Feeling of Love. Feeling of Great Warmth and Intensity. Warmth. Heat of Passion. Affection. Ardent Devotedness. Raise a Smile. Evoke Sympathy. Ardor of Passion, The Passion of Love. Strong Flame that Burns Brightly. Shoot rapidly and repeatedly. Blaze Away. Intense, Direct Light accompanied with Heat. Fierce Blaze. Bursting out of Brilliant Active Display. For what is Glory but the Blaze of Flame. To Make Public Far and Wide. To Make Known. Speak with Fire and Passion. High Waves caused by Tidal Flow. Just. Believer in Trust and Reality, Justice in Expressing one's Opinions. Desired Intensely. Capacity of Being Affected by External Agents. Who Walked in Every Path of Human Life Felt Every Passion. The Ruling Passion, be it what it Will, The Ruling Passion conquers Reason Still. Mind Loses Self-Control, becoming the Passive Instrument of the Feeling in Question. Enjoy. Cupid. Venus. One Eye on Death, and One Full Fix'd on Heaven. Eager Wish to Obtain or Enjoy. Lust. Apppetite. Warm, Friendly feeling towards Benefactors. Kindness awakened by a favor received. Grateful Smile. Something affording comfort and Pleasure. Grateful Warmth of Fire. Having a due sense of Benefits Received. Willing to Acknowledge and Repay. Give Thanks for Benefits. A Grateful Mind By Owing, Owes Not, But Still Repays. Food Grateful to the Stomach. Grateful Sleep. Delicious. Voluptuous Emotions. Her Sensuous Grace Roused his Lustful Nature. Taking Delight in Beauty. The Sensuous Joy from All Things Far. Highly Susceptible to Influence Through the Senses. Magnetic. Endear.

Holy moly long list Hun? Well, these are the words that have entreated me, and I will mull over them , I think its beautiful, these words are Me, you should find your own List too :)

LOVEEES 2ET

Freedom

2008-02-10T20:12:00.000-08:00

Today I feel free.
I feel unbound,
untied and
my energy has been unleashed.
Thank you.

Free to love, free to be

"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Confused, if only life was easy

2008-02-02T18:26:00.000-08:00

There is no simple solution to this, if only I could look into the future and figure out what it is that would bring this thing back, but i can't. It's confusing to me because there is so much in this world, so many layers to explore and you's to understand. For me, there is nothing better than to always feel alive, and there it is, what society calls being selfish, when we are all looking for happiness. For I love, I love, and I can't fix that. Straight to my heart, in and out, out and in, in out. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO It cannot be bound, FREEDOM. What do I want? Freedom, to Care, to Let Go. To Love, to understand, To be Alive, a thirst for LIFE. If I look into your eyes, and I cannot see Life, where did it go? If you look into my eyes and you do not see life, I have just died. I must be dead, so let me go. It's my life, it's your life, we must be alive at every instant, we must be seeking growth, we must be feeling expansion, electricity, aliveness, being well and Bliss. not death. "its for the birds"

Being a big ball of Emotional mess

2008-01-22T22:17:00.000-08:00

what the hell is wrong with me this week and since the beginning of new year ish i guess I have been a BIG BALL OF INSECURITY and emotional mess. I am really being oversensitive and insecure about random things , everything, and it feels like my self-esteem is tumbling somewhere I don't quite know what's happening to it. I am getting jealous, envious, angry, depressed , sad for various different reasons, you nkow the whole gammit of 7 deadly sins or bad feelings we are supposed to be above and turn into something positive. WELL i am feeling all the worst possible feelings these last weeks, and then yesterday I read that Jan 21-24 is the most fucking depressing day of the year, bc of the weather/financial mismanagement/dettes- whaever you can google it if you want. Does this have anything to do with it? Also I am starting my second semester and I am excited and hella nervous at the same time you know? Am I the only one to feel this way? Probably not. Is this normal? I am sure it is. But all my rationality won't ease this negative talk in my head right now, like I need to shine the fuckin light back in my life right about now, maybe some sun will do me good. Damn winter, I always forget how much weather affects me. I think so far, every winter, for the last 5 years, I have spent at least a week's vacation time in some warmer climate, and I forget how much that is important for my emotional well-being.

Humm well I am going to need to find another solution to my mood swings because apparently a cleanse is only so good for me, and then going out/friends/people/ spending money/reading / entertainment is great but I FEEL LIKE I NEED SOME SUNNNN!!!! REALLY!! I am not crazy. Am I? NO NO NO. Tanning salon? MEH I always make fun of people who go there, well I don't know, maybe that's my last resort. Or maybe I can take a cheap flight to somewhere warm for the weekend. Okay ORBITZ here I come. I find its funny that I need to reassure myself that I am not crazy sometimes, but then I think deep down I know what's good for me and what I need. We are like plants we need water and sun and love to grow. retarded i can't believe I justwrote that. well clearly I am on one of those ridiculous rants I think it makes me feel better to write all this stuff out at least then I don't sulk in my moodiness or overthink things you know? Well I don't know why you would even be reading this, but I bet you somewhere, you must be thinking that YOU KNOW WHAT I AM GONIG THROUGH? Because I think you have been through this too at some point? Do you want to take a vacation? What? I don't know, maybe its late and I should probably get some sleep and then visualize lying on the white sand beaches of Hanauma Bay while being engulfed by warm sunshine rays of heat all day. maybe some SPF 30, take a dive, find some seashells and make a sand castle. then go look for a cave where I can look at seaturtles, and a sweet spot where I can paint, or just people watch and look at the cute kids and fat mommas and pappas. whatever, you know what I mean. Or even being in a airplane ride for liek a short 3-5 hour trip and looking out at the clouds and landing over tops of california valleys would make me damn happy right now. oo trip to zzzzzzzzz goodnight. I think I feel better for now. grr I don't want to be daydreaming of anywhere else than the present moment but I gotta do it sometimes, or can't help myself from doing it sometimes. iughdfnbkjlsafoiwqerpeiutt gimme a remedy

You are Accepted

2008-01-20T23:19:00.000-08:00

The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself.

"We cannot transform our lives, unless we allow them to be transformed by that stroke of grace. It happens; or it does not happen. And certainly it does not happen if we try to force it upon ourselves, just as it shall not happen so long as we think, in our self-complacency, that we have no need of it. Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life. It strikes us when we feel that our separation is deeper than usual, because we have violated another life, a life which we loved, or from which we were estranged. ... It strikes us when, year after year, the longed-for perfection of life does not appear, when the old compulsions reign within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all joy and courage. Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is as though a voice were saying: 'You are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything; do not perform anything; do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted!' If that happens to us, we experience grace. After such an experience we may not be better than before, and we may not believe more than before. But everything is transformed. In that moment, grace conquers sin, and reconciliation bridges the gulf of estrangement. And nothing is demanded of this experience, no religious or moral or intellectual presupposition, nothing but acceptance."

- Paul Tillich, "You Are Accepted"

I love you for free.

2008-01-20T20:55:00.000-08:00

I am so sad today. I feel like I run around in circles with my emotions sometimes feeling so incredibly sensitive for no apparent reason. Today I told myself that I am going to stop judging it because I have this inner voice telling me my irrationality is senseless and utterly wierd, but Hey, its a part of who I am at times. Is that normal? I am beginning to realize also that I am getting in touch with a vast pool of emotions that are buried in my subconscious that creep up at odd times when I am with other people/a person and its not necessarily their fault at all, but I get irrational and my energy wirls around like crazy, whether negatively or positively. Can you still love me as I am? I have decided I will love myself, all the nooks and crannies, even when I feel pain, anger, in withdrawl, Yes, all those terrible emotions I usually avoid at all cost because they are ugly and make me feel bad. I can't run away from myself in these darkest moments anymore, I want to accept it and love it, so I can move through them and use them for my creative art.

And I will love you in these times. So all I hope for is that you will love me the way I am too, with all my irrationality and soulful bouts of fury and emotional turmoil. But yeah, I know its not supposed to be affecting anyone else but myself but that s what emotions do right, they infect and affect others, and there's no use sometimes to always rationalize your way out of it, sometimes you just have to ride it out and enjoy whatever drama comes out of it. Accepting it, Accepting yourself gracefully even in those "imperfect" moments. And there's always this silent observer inside you that is looking out for you, but fuck always needing to have control of your emotions, its a tricky thing to believe that you are above them, that you are above irrationality, above creating and living in pain. People don't become mature in rational ways all the time, people become mature through ACCEPTANCE AND LOVE. At least that allows you to just feel it, breathe it so you can heal it, or at least experience it fully so you 're not always avoiding or running away from it.

Plus you can use it for your acting.

Anyway, done ranting. x

The Self-Sensory System of the Aquarian Age

2008-01-02T21:22:00.000-08:00

Very Interesting article below. --Must read, keep open mind, open heart.

The Self-Sensory System of the Aquarian Age
Lecture by :
Yogi Bhajan, Ph.D.,
Master of Kundalini Yoga
Lecture on: 08/01/2001

In the next 12 to 14 years you will be needed by the world. It does not matter who one is today, or to whom one belongs; peoples’ minds are going to go empty. In the Piscean Age, the main need was for knowledge, for creative legacy. That’s why in the Piscean Age sex was taboo; it was monitored, matured, glorified. Sex and sensuality were considered the primary attractions. Beauty was physical, and people pursued each other. Sexual intercourse was the orientation of relationship, and it reached the point of obnoxious duality; perversion became very prominent.
But the time is changing; people are looking toward fulfillment of the self through purity and piety, individuality, and reality. They don’t want to practice duality anymore. Sex will not be the attraction. A sensory system will develop, a new system in which the individual will find him or herself complete.
Communication will be humongous. Everybody will have access to all knowledge. With the push of a button you will be able to get any information you want. The whole world will be at your disposal. The obsession with sex will have no place. One will not look for satisfaction through physical intercourse. It will be automatic that one will find satisfaction through the self-sensory system, which people will develop in the coming 50 years. The foundation is being laid now because the cusp period is 1991 to 2012 for the Age of Pisces to go and for the Age of Aquarius to come. We have already gone through 9 of these 21 years.
What is this personal sensory system? There will be no need for cosmetic makeup. People will be open, straight, simple, and their beauty will be internal, not external. Men and women are going to reach out with such dignity, such devotion, such an elevated, loftiness of self, and the beauty of the human character will be so bewitching, that not only will the ones who are willing be enjoying and realizing, but also their realization will be so profound that no destructive temptation by another person will work.

The Piscean Age was the ugliest age—an era in which the female was rooted out from her roots and exploited to the brink and to the brim by men. The male/female relationship didn’t have any strength. It didn’t have any character. It didn’t have any taste. So females in the past century gave birth to some of the most fearful, insecure, impotent, or oversexed men, and sexual disorder was worse than ever before in the past 3,000 years.
Sexually most men were inferior; they did not have the power of endurance. They could not carry the love and polarity of the female. In other words, they could not become a unit. Their sexual habits were so shallow that the Akashic record did not even record them. Men were the product of being worthless and useless; their sexual intimacy had no depth.

The men whom you called great in the last century wanted to indulge in the power of destruction. That’s why we created the atom bomb, the hydrogen bomb, smart bombs, we had two wars, and we killed more people in the name of religion than anything else. And religion did not become reality, but an ugly fanaticism.

The ironic thing that happened in this last century is that man started finding God outside himself. Man forgot that God is the working God, “Karta Purkh,” which Nanak, the first Sikh Guru, said works and breathes in us. It’s part of us; it’s not separate. We were blind to God’s presence everywhere.
Today we have become limited, small, squeezed to a point of just physical existence. We have little quality, quantity, character, and commitment. Our character is mostly inconsistent. We often say things that are not true. We truthfully say things that are not true. We dramatically say things that are not true.

We do the most detrimental thing on this planet. In order to build a tower that surrounds the individual—like adding to how many houses, how many boyfriends, how much money we have—we end up on dirt, a termite heap of dirt.

In character we have become very shallow. We talk about how many TV sets we have, how much bigger our TV set is, how many cars we have. You won’t hear a person talking about how much satisfaction, how much containment, how much contentment, how much character, or how much realization he has.

What you hear these days is, “Who had sex with whom? Who wants who? Who chased who? Who is nude? Who is more nude?” Do you understand? There’s a competition going on. You see our magazines; it’s a human joke. When a race of humans starts making a mockery of themselves openly and obnoxiously, nothing is sacred. So this is the state of affairs, and it has to go on for 12 more years of this cusp period. And it will be bad for us.
My idea to present this to you is that many of you will try to reach out to help people or to help yourselves, and you will have something to understand. It’s called “building the foundation of the New Age.”

The Age of Aquarius will be the Age of experience in which people of experience will be liked, respected, worshipped, talked to, and understood. It’s not a matter of how old you are or how young you are or how white you are or how black you are.

Religion, as it has been known, has become absolutely obsolete. In the past 5000 years religion has been teaching you to redeem your soul. The soul is already redeemed. What you should redeem is your being not true to your words, not true to your commitment, not true to your character. That’s what you should redeem.

The majority of people in the world are nothing but show business. You put on a show. And today even spirituality is nothing but a show. No human believes that they are a fact of life, a fact of existence, that they are real, that they are born in the image of God. The most magnificent Allah, most infinite God Jehovah, the most pure wise Lord Buddha, whatever you want to call God, has created you in His own image. So God in the New Age is called He-She-It: He, She, and It. Understand that this is the totality of God.

The fact is that there is nothing more beautiful, more worthy, or more conscious than you.The time has come for self-value. And the question is not “To be or not to be.” The statement is “To be, to be.” “I AM, I am.” The time has come not to search for God, but to be God. The time is not to worship God, but to trust and dwell in the working God.

As this is coming through me, it is cleansing me. If you are not listening and only hearing, you are not getting it. But if you are listening, it will go into you. You have to come to the awareness of how bad and unfortunate it is that we have made this world as ugly as possible —and how beautiful, actually, God created it. We are purely enemies of God, because God within us is in pain, and there is no God outside us. Each one is the manifestation of God, so it won’t work to create God by making a stone God. Every grain of sand is God. We have to have our subtle body, our sophisticated self, to see it.

In reality, you are a bunch of molecules living by the pranic body. You are nothing more, nothing less. As long as the psyche will not merge in you in equal balance, you will have no awareness. Human existence is a combination of the pranic body and the energy of the psyche (which is the universe—Prakritee the creation) in proportion. When you have that state of mind, you are clean and clear. You stop searching; you start practicing. The oddness in you becomes even, and your flow becomes as vast as the universe—and sometimes beyond the universe. You have the authentic reach to yourself. I don’t want anybody because I want everybody. This concept is very difficult. I don’t want to be “I.” I don’t want to be “we.” I want to be “just as it is.” And my run is with the flow of the psyche of the universe as it takes me, as it moves me, as it desires me. Men and women will stop cutting corners and come to a real existence. And it will not be long from now.

Any person who thinks he is great may be nothing, because the information age is so powerful, and so knowable, and so acknowledgeable, and so understandable, that nothing can work. We will not be competent to cheat each other, but we can help and deal with each other as equals. There’s no beautiful, no ugly.

The love of existence, of our lives, and of our breathing will be in need of the flow of the psyche in us; therefore, we can be a real combination of self within the self. And the sensory system that will develop automatically out of us will be our archangel protecting us and glorifying us.

Those who hustle and hassle and move and want will suffer. They will not get what they want. Now the time has come that we will have a meditative mind to wait and see what comes to us. Our minds will direct us to work toward the right channels. And we will meet the right people.

Our future is now, and our presence is our purity. We don’t have to purify ourselves; we are pure. We simply have to stop making it ugly by diversion, by concoctions, by stories, and by creating meaningless romance and fantasy, and imagining things that are zero. We’ll master ourselves through our service, through our character, through our commitment, and through the most powerful thing that we have—our grace. Our individual grace is the most wanted quality today. And our projection, which will give us satisfaction, fulfillment, and exaltation, is our nobility. We will act nobly, graciously, kindly, and compassionately. These are our essential features.

Our creativity will be our sensory system. And through this sensory system we will be overflowing with energy, touching the hearts of people and feeling their feeling, and filling their emptiness. We will act gratefully and our flow will fulfill the gratefulness in the hearts of others. It will be a new relationship. We will create a new humanity that will have the new sensory system, and thus we will establish the Age of Aquarius. This is the fundamental character you have to learn by heart.

Meditation to Develop the Self-Sensory System
Point the Jupiter finger (forefinger) of the right hand straight up toward the sky with the thumb and other fingers and thumb closed in a fist with the right elbow bent and relaxed at the side. The left hand is placed flat over the heart center (center of the chest). Now listen to the preceding lecture recorded in your own voice.

© 2000 YB Teachings, LLC

The Sensory Human
February 4, 2001
Everywhere we go people talk about the change of the millennium. Now our sun flares have gone 6 to 60 times more, and our magnetic field on the Earth is vibrating at a higher frequency than otherwise. Because of these sun flares, time rotation in the magnetic field system on which we and our lives are based is changing. Right now we are passing through a contrast of life. It is amazing how the effects of the astrological aspects change with the rotation of the Earth in proportion to its power with the other planets.
This technological change is causing every human to operate from his sensory system, unknowingly. That is the tragedy of it. So what we need now is to have a meditative mind so we can enter into the sensory human system without conflict with the planetary power.

In another 11 years we will find people getting empty, more perturbed, not able to bear enough, not having much tolerance, and very argumentative. It is not the fault of people. It is the result of the power with which the psyche flows on the planet. People will have to pick up the tabs, and to match up they will have to be calm, quiet, and peaceful.
It will be very difficult to convince everybody because many lives depend on compensatory elements. Our compensatory elements are drinking at night, eating urea (that is eating meat), and a high frequency diet. We are not that calm, quiet, and peaceful in our construction. This, plus all the psychic bombardment that is coming, will create a conflict.
Up to this time every religion has made predictions, but man has felt secure that everything is under control. Then why is this happening? That is the question many people have asked. This is happening because of the change from the information age. First we were in the computer age, then the information age, and now we are entering into the sensory age.

This is the age where man has to have full satisfaction and fulfillment of his ideology, identity, and personality. And that is what the beauty of the human is going to be. The beauty is not going to be considered in terms of who is wearing a bikini and walking naked on the streets. Beauty is going to be considered in terms of who can contain oneself with that personality and radiance that attracts others.
A few years ago we said “Hail Guru Ram Das and heal the world.” It looked like a joke at that time. Heal with what? Now the Age has come when your own psyche can be in flow and beam on the other personality, and in the cross-exchange you can heal a person just by walking by his side. For this we have to have a mental clarity, and we have to have a mental projection.
Your mind cannot be allowed now to swing like a pendulum, and you cannot be a by product of moods. Sometimes you are rude, sometimes you are happy, sometimes you are real, and sometimes you are not real. This is not tolerable anymore. Now you often see a very beautiful person, in the modern framework of things, but can hardly talk with him or her for 15 minutes when you find you are shocked, “What am I talking with?”
So it is a time for prayer, for deep cleansing, for self-identity, and to be very honest with you, for self-control. What is honesty? When you can stand against dishonesty. What is reality? When you can stand against non-reality. What is loyalty? When you can stand against betrayal. So the pair of opposites is there. We have to choose the positive. And we have to make a choice. And that choice can only be made if our psyche is in diagonal energy, the energy that crosses through all levels, and is always there to lift us up in any situation in which we can fall.
It’s my prayer that your purity, your piety, your grace can carry you through, so we can enter the Aquarian Era with that sensory system of love, joy, and happiness. I wish you the best in the coming spring where you will be a totally different human being. It is not far away. The cycles in the heavens are changing, Earth is correspondingly changing, and everything you see around you will not be recognizable. This is the year; this is the time. It is now and today.

Available @:
http://db.kriteachings.org/clients/ikyta/articles.nsf/7a1578096f5ebe0987256671004e06c4/a89a25d629b9bc8e8725714900543762?OpenDocument

JANUARY 1st 2008!!

2008-01-01T18:10:00.001-08:00

I am feeling more and more certain that everything happens for a reason, everything is as it should be, RELINQUISH CONTROL. let go, things are as it is, as it should be.

Special day today. Very Special day.

Mayan Calendar

2007-12-30T18:44:00.000-08:00

Galactic Consciousness - Cycle Timing

1st "Day" Jan. 5th, 1999 - Dec. 30th, 1999 (Seeds of consciousness planted)

1st "Night" Dec. 31th, 1999 - Dec. 24th, 2000 (Consciousness is activated)

2nd "Day" Dec. 25th, 2000 - Dec. 19th, 2001 (Polarity is displayed)

2nd "Night" Dec. 20th, 2001 - Dec. 14th, 2002 (Old and New consciousness collide)

3rd "Day" Dec. 15th, 2002 - Dec. 9th, 2003 (The Truth rolls out - Like it or Not)

3rd "Night" Dec. 10th, 2003 - Dec. 3nd, 2004 (Adjustments to the Truth - Don't Hold on, but Flow)

4th "Day" Dec. 4th, 2004 - Nov. 28th, 2005 (New foundations of human relations)

4th "Night" Nov. 29th, 2005 - Nov. 23rd, 2006 (Ethical procedures are implemented)

5th "Day" Nov. 24th, 2006 - Nov. 18th, 2007 (We meet our Galactic neighbors)

5th "Night" Nov. 19th, 2007 - Nov. 12th, 2008 (The end of manufactured lack)

6th "Day" Nov. 13th, 2008 - Nov. 7th, 2009 (Consciousness surpasses technology)

6th "Night" Nov. 8th, 2009 - Nov. 2nd, 2010 (Bliss, we will need the practice)

7th "Day" Nov. 3rd, 2010 - Oct. 28th, 2011 (We evolve to conscious Co-Creation of

existence and experience)

Source: Dr. Carl J. Calleman
Book: Solving the Greatest Mystery of Our Time: the Mayan Calendar
Garev-ISBN: 9-9707558-0-5 Click Here to order book
Comments in (parentheses) by Ian Xel Lungold

Random

2007-12-19T15:32:00.000-08:00

I think I spend too much money on food. I need to figure this one out this year.

Tom Robbins, I adore you.

2007-12-14T01:24:00.000-08:00

My favorite Tom Robbins quotes--
Current mood: dorky

On love...

"Who knows how to make love stay?

Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.

Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.

Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning."

____________________________________________________________

"When two people meet and fall in love, there's a sudden rush of magic. Magic is just naturally present then. We tend to feed on that gratuitous magic without striving to make any more. One day we wake up and find that the magic is gone. We hustle to get it back, but by then it's usually too late, we've used it up. What we have to do is work like hell at making additional magic right from the start. It's hard work, but if we can remember to do it, we greatly improve our chances of making love stay."

____________________________________________________________

"The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating"

____________________________________________________________

"I believe in nothing, everything is sacred. I believe in everything, nothing is sacred."

____________________________________________________________

"Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free."

____________________________________________________________

On life...

"To achieve the impossible; it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought."

"Our Similarities bring us to a common ground; Our Differences allow us to be fascinated by each other"

"There is no such thing as a weird human being, It's just that some people require more understanding than others"

"To be or not to be isn't the question. The question is how to prolong being."

"The afternoon passed more slowly than a walnut-sized kidney stone."

"We're our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves."

"Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach."

thank you Tom Robbins, :)

Holding yourself Accountable

2007-11-27T20:03:00.000-08:00

Holding yourself Accountable for EVERYTHING IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE -YA, ie, the good, the bad and the UGLY.

I learned (as in I had a deep-felt epiphany) today--or actually, it has been a slow but continuous process--that I must hold myself accountable (ALWAYS) for the way I make other people feel. I have often justified myself with my 'live and let live'-- rather carefree attitude, but I realized that my lightness of being has now the obligation to be tempered by accountability and responsibility to my own actions. I realized that as shitty as it sounds (to me, before my realization), that I have to take responsibiltiy for being the creator of any negative/disharmonious/unpleasant situation/circumstance/relationship I have developed in my own world. The fine line between CAREFREE and CARELESS is something I need to balance, ie; carefree=freedom of action, so long as it does no harm to no being, and careless = crossing that line, albeit mostly unintentionally. Inasmuch as we are co-creators of the universe and aim to develop our powers of intentions, I realized a natural law in the power of mind would therefore be to CARE, always. Pretty basic stuff, but you can't imagine the amount of self-justification I come up with in my mind when this shit comes up. A lot of my reasoning also makes a lot of sense (to me, probably only me and people like me). I just realized that its a basic form of self-defensiveness where I look onto the other as having a skewed POV (negativity is coming from them), whereas in reality, the only way to foster any kind of positive growth in myself/and the world I so love, in this respect is to see how my POV could be entirely wrong and see merit and reason/understand it from the other person's point of view.
And. It is so hard to be WRONG though. that's what we learn in class/character/acting--you can't judge your characters right?; every character, from their POV is RIGHT. and that is how we live our lives. we always think we are RIGHT. maybe we AREN'T. or maybe we are ALL right. either way. we will never understand each other or truly CARE about one another if we always think that we are right. If we always blame that/find fault in someone else--someone else's behaviour/personality/your parents/past conditioning/PAST/circumstances --etc, you get the point--..so if we blame EXTERNALLY, we will never get the opportunity for any kind of growth because we will always be stuck in our same old shit and 'I AM RIGHT' vs 'YOU ARE WRONG' perspective. I always took that 'I am right/you are Wrong' a little too literally, I think, and its meaning reaches way more subconscious thought patterns than simply conscious thinking/speech/actions.

So, I'm going to swallow this one. it might take some time to digest, but I will get there eventually.

cheers :)
x

WHat a Sight+ Daily Insights

2007-09-24T20:30:00.000-07:00

So for one of my classes, I need to discuss with my group a sight that caught my eye that day- when life speaks to you -- and something new I learned. Which I realized while reading some of my old posts that this is what I have been trying to achieve through writing here anyway, so might as well keep up with the habit, would do no harm.

Well, first, yesterday night I had this bizarre dream that I was witnessing a fucked up sadistic scene where an adult was ordering a child to stand guard and watch these monkeys punch through a plastic sheet. They could only see the punching movement that the monkey performed through the plastic covering, which had an obvious opening a few feet off the ground, so they could see if the monkey wasn't there anymore, if they looked down. Well, I was standing behind the plastic curtain, on the monkey side, and there was also a little toddler/baby there. So just as a test, I took a swinging pendulum of some kind and started hitting it across the curtain, and I aleviated the monkey from his task. (I think the monkey may have even been an emprisoned child, I am not sure anymore.) And I don't really remember what I did then, but I know I was playing with the monkey for a little bit, and the "adult/scientist" even came in the back and checked, and was oblivious to our activities, seemingly because the plastic curtain was still being punched through left and right..

Well, the only witness to the whole charade who had enough sense to point down to the floor and remark that my feet where there, and that clearly the emprisoned child/monkey had been let loose was, of course, the little toodler/baby, who giggled and make noise.

WHat's the fuckin point? Well, today, I was thinking about this and caught the subway after school, and who should I happen to converse with but a little cute 1 yr old baby accompanied by her mom. And it struck me that to see the world through the eyes of a child, a baby, is probably the closest we've ever been to complete awareness without judgment. Think about this--Adult/Scientific is so caught up in the ROUTINE/THE NORMALCY that every task/every DAY/ every moment is the same--it has been routinized, and as long as it all SEEMS to be working and nothing is 'broken', the reality remains consistently within grasp, secure, and linear. Whereas, through the eyes of a child, and PS i think the whole point of our Acting exercises, is to see that every second we take a breath, every moment we live is different than the next, is completely a refreshened, NEW, moment of existence, something we often forget because of the mundane realities of our daily lives, or, the pace at which we whisk past living this instance. God, I love children.

So I guess that is my What a sight/daily insight for today. cheersXX

SCHOOL!!

2007-09-21T23:23:00.000-07:00

I am loving school!! I feel tremendous energy and excitement just waking up in the morning and being in class. I am choosing to also, slow down on my nocturnal habits, surprisingly not so hard to do when you love something so much. This week, I was asked by a teacher 'what is your source of energy/what gives you energy', and i realized that its my love for growth, the Arts, acting, Beauty, people.. it is absolutely love; love- disguised in passion, wonder, beauty, whatever.. LOVE. it is what gets me out of my moodiness, or worrying/overthinking. Its what drives me to expand, to connect, to touch, to open myself up to myself and the World. I have a lot of work to do for school though, so I getting obssessed with this, in a fulfilling, energizing way. Hum...... I want to instil in my heart permanently the notion that God Doesn't mind a Bum note, and the Right to speak, always, unconditionally. I realized while reading that I have emotional blocks/the inner Judge that is keeping me from full vocal release, and this will be one of the most important things i want to improve this semester. Also, I am really enjoying my Ballet and movement classes, I feel physically released, but I need to work on tempo/coordination and remembering choreographies:)
Improv and my scene study/technique classes are really engrossing and my scene stud teacher is absolutely riveting to listen to, I want to attain that sort of freedom of speech and expression by this year. OH, WHAT RIGHT TO SPEAK! He could speak about rotting banana for all I care, he would hold my attention. But These are also classes that provide particular challenges for me, for one, Improv, i need to develop my sense-memory abilities more, and willing suspension of disbelief. And scene study, I would like to master actions and working with objective./intention, and be able to say by the end of it all "Come, Shakespeare, let's go play." :)

Overall, I feel I am taking in everything that is given to me, and I know there is a lot of work I need to do on my own time. I am willing, however, to make this my priority while I am at Stella Adler. HUm, what else.. I need to be more patient with myself and trust the process, continuously. K bout it for now.. :)

MBTI test - To all you fellow ENFPs!!

2007-08-21T23:44:00.000-07:00

Please enjoy the [long-ish; BUT VERY COOL!!] read! :)

ENFP - The Visionary / The Champion/ The Advocate

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Profile by Sandra Krebs Hirsch and Jean Kummerow

ENFPs are initiators of change who are keenly perceptive of possibilities, and who energize and stimulate through their contagious enthusiasm. They prefer the start-up phase of a project or relationship, and are tireless in the pursuit of new-found interests. ENFPs are able to anticipate the needs of others and to offer them needed help and appreciation. They bring zest, joy, liveliness, and fun to all aspects of their lives. They are at their best in situations that are fluid and changing, and that allow them to express their creativity and use their charisma.

Living

ENFP children are 'into everything.' Their natural curiosity results in children for whom questions were invented. They often spend long periods of time devising new and original --- but not necessarily practical --- languages, plays, and scenarios. Many ENFPs enjoy drawing, writing, playacting, and dreaming. They are often chosen as leaders because of their persuasive enthusiasm and their energy for new and different ways of developing things.

Because they see endless possibilities, to select one possibility appears to the ENFP to be too narrow a focus. They hate to be boxed into a career for life and therefore hesitate and resist making decisions. It is unwise for ENFPs to settle down too early, and they make the soundest choices when they delay career and marriage decisions until their middle to late twenties. Often when a decision is made, ENFPs will still leave a number of options open or change their minds as they encounter new information.

Even in their everyday activities, ENFPs often search for the new and the novel. If there is a logical route to work and ENFP has been driving that way continually, he or she will likely tire of it and look for other routes.

ENFPs are more likely than other types to change from one career to another, demonstrating their versatility in doing so. It is not uncommon to hear stories of ENFPs who have established themselves in a career and who, when faced with the daily routine of maintaining it, leave it to start another.

Adult ENFPs maintain characteristics that might be considered youthful, such as enthusiasm, curiosity, and a zestful outlook on life. As a result, people often enjoy being with them. Many times they are young-in-spirit as they age, perhaps because of their temperament.

Learning

ENFPs often learn best through a variety of means, such as observing, reading, and listening to and interacting with others. They enjoy the search for new ideas and possibilities, and will put in the time necessary to master subjects they find interesting. One strength is their enthusiasm for the process of discovery. They enjoy survey courses, comparative studies, and disciplines in which there is much to research and explore. They do not like classes that are too structured, that consist only of lectures, and that allow no room for their imagination. They may get caught up in the learning process and consequently need strict deadlines to bring a project to completion.

Working

ENFPs often follow a nonlinear career track and nontraditional routes to obtaining knowledge, qualifications, and skills. When they are committed to what they do, they are enthusiastic to the point of preaching to the entire world about it. For an ENFP, work must be fun and must contribute to something larger than merely collecting a paycheck.

The preferred work setting for ENFPs contains imaginative people focused on human possibilities. ENFPs want a work environment that is both physically and mentally colorful. They prefer a participative and collegial atmosphere in which employees are included in the decision making. ENFPs are less productive where there is disharmony because they pay more attention to the relationships between people at work than they do to the tasks. Their ideal job would offer variety, novelty, challenge, and freedom from tight supervision; it would be idea oriented and imaginative, and would have lively, energetic people enjoying themselves and their tasks.

Most ENFPs will say they are organized, but others might not see them that way. Their desire to be open to the moment tends to outweigh their need to be organized. Usually ENFP work space is arranged haphazardly, with work materials and personal momentos scattered about. In terms of the management of time, ENFPs find it particularly difficult to estimate accurately how long an activity will take. Because people's needs are more important than schedules, ENFPs are often late and characteristically full of apologies for their tardiness.

Common occupations picked by ENFP - Artists, actors, journalists, writers, musicians, painters, consultants, psychologists, psychiatrists, entrepeneurs, teachers, counselers, politicans, diplomats, television reporters, marketers, scientists, sales representatives, artists, clergy, public relations, social scientists, social workers, journalist, computer programmer, systems analyst, computer specialist, scientist or engineer.. Very creative and fun-loving, they excel at careers which allow them to express their ideas and spontaneity.

Leading

ENFPs are energetic and enthusiastic leaders who are likely to take charge when a new endeavor needs a visionary spokesperson. ENFPs are values-oriented people who become champions of causes and services relating to human needs and dreams. Their leadership style is one of soliciting and recognizing others' contributions and of evaluating the personal needs of their followers. ENFPs are often charismatic leaders who are able to help people see the possibilities beyond themselves and their current realities. They function as catalysts.

Leisure

ENFPs often have a difficult time separating their work from their leisure. Because they like to have fun while they work and usually arrange their work lives to meet this need, the boundaries between their work and their leisure may not be as clear as they might be for some other types.

Because of their continual search for new things to experience, it is rare for ENFPs to become heavily involved in a single activity; their appetite for involvement is too great. Generally, ENFPs are on the lookout for new things and may come across what is "trendy" before others. They tend to participate early on in those new activities.

ENFPs like travel and reading because these activities open experiences of other times and places. Their reading often brings quiet and reflection time, as well as new material for their dreams. Their travels afford them opportunities to experience different people and cultures.

Loving

For ENFPs, loving is an almost constant state. They are generally involved or in love with someone or something new. ENFPs may have originated the quotation "All the world loves a lover." When falling in love, they explore all the new possibilities in the relationship, and the new person is studied in every way. The ENFP tends to idealize his or her current relationship and will often say that their current one is "the best ever."

It might be argued that each type, when first in love, resembles a garden-variety ENFP, because ENFPs normally behave like people in love. Some of the cultural cliches about falling in love - such as "Falling in love with love," "Head over heels in love," "Love is blind," "All the world loves a lover," and "Throw caution to the wind" - seem to apply to the ENFP. This same boundless affection can be showered upon friends, co-workers, and others. People often feel unconditionally loved by ENFPs, but over time many of these relationships dissipate, as in "When I'm not near the ones I love, I love the ones I'm near."

ENFPs are delightful, enthusiastic partners who are young in spirit; there is rarely a dull moment with them. They readily note their partner's best aspects. They may overlook obvious details and facts about their partners that might cause other types to be more cautious. As relationships progress, ENFPs romanticise their partners and make strong efforts to rationalize any discrepancy between the reality and their "ideal."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Profile by David Keirsey

For ENFPs nothing occurs which does not have some significance, and they have an uncanny sense of the motivations of others. This gives them a talent for seeing life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil. This type is found in only about 5 percent of the general population, but they have great influence because of their extraordinary impact on others. ENFPs strive toward the authentic, even when acting spontaneously, and this is usually communicated nonverbally to others, who find this characteristic attractive. ENFPs, however, find their own efforts of authenticity and spontaneity always lacking, and tend to heap coals of fire on themselves, always berating themselves for being so conscious of self.

ENFPs consider intense emotional experiences vital; when they have these, however, they are made uneasy by a sense of being there but with a part of themselves split off. They strive for congruency, but always see themselves in some danger of losing touch with their real feelings, which ENFPs possess in a wide range and variety.

ENFPs exercise a continuous scanning of the external environment, and nothing out of the ordinary is likely to escape their attention. They are keen and penetrating observers and are capable of intense concentration on another individual while aware of what is going on about them. Their attention is never passive or casual, never wandering, but always directed. At times, ENFPs find themselves interpreting events in terms of another's "hidden motive," giving special meaning to words or actions. This interpretation tends to be negative and, more often than not, inaccurately negative. In the process, an ENFP may find that he or she has introduced an unnecessary, toxic element into the relationship. While ENFPs are brilliantly perceptive, they can make serious mistakes in judgment, which works to their discomfort. These mistakes derive from their tendency to focus on data which confirm their own biases. They may be absolutely correct in their perceptions but wrong in their conclusions.

Because they tend to be hypersensitive and hyper-alert, they may suffer from muscle tension. They live in readiness for emergencies; because they have this facility, they assume this is true for others. They can become bored rather quickly with both situations and people, and resist repeating experiences. They enjoy the process of creating something-an idea or a project-but are not as interested in the follow-through. They are typically enthusiastic, and this is contagious. People get caught up and entranced by an ENFP. Yet this type is marked with a fierce independence, repudiating any kind of subordination, either in themselves or in others in relation to them. They do tend to attribute more power to authority figures than is there and give over to these figures an ability to "see through" them-which also is not apt to be there. While ENFPs resist the notion of others becoming dependent or having power over them, their charisma draws followers who wish to be shown the way. ENFPs constantly find themselves surrounded by others who look toward the ENFP for wisdom, inspiration, courage, leadership, and so on-an expectancy which, at times, weighs rather heavily on an ENFP.

ENFPs are characteristically optimistic and are surprised when people or events do not turn out as anticipated. Often their confidence in the innate goodness of fate and human nature is a self-fulling prophecy.

Career

ENFPs have a remarkable latitude in career choices and succeed in many fields. As workers, they are warmly enthusiastic, high-spirited, ingenious, imaginative, and can do almost anything that interests them. They can solve most problems, particularly those dealing with people. They are charming and at ease with colleagues; others enjoy their presence. ENFPs are outstanding in getting people together, and are good at initiating meetings and conferences, although not as talented at providing for the operational details of these events. They enjoy inventing new ways of doing things, and their projects tend to become a cause, quickly becoming personalized. They are imaginative themselves, but can have difficulty picking up on ideas and projects initiated by others. They must make these ideas and projects their own if ENFPs are to lend their energy and interest. Once people or projects become routine, ENFPs are likely to lose interest; what might be is always more fascinating than what is. ENFPs make extensive use of their intuitive powers. They usually have a wide range of personal and telephone contacts, expending energy in maintaining both career and personal relationships.

ENFPs are characteristic in their pursuit of the novel, their strong sense of the possible, and outstanding intuitive powers. At the same time, they have warmth and fun with people and generally are unusually skilled in handling people. Their extraverted role tends to be well developed, as is their capacity for the novel and the dramatic.

http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/enfp.htm
http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP_car.html

The way the world looks like according to ENFPs. Will you come join?

L-eft handed Awesomeness

2007-08-03T22:34:00.000-07:00

Monday August 13th:
Celebrate your right to be left-handed!!

"Everyone is born right-handed, only the gifted overcome it" Thank you Adrienne Goldsworthy for the quote.

http://www.lefthandersday.com/index.html

An old Italian proverb claims 'The left-hand is the hand of the heart'

From the Bart Simpson Is Left Handed, and So am Group on facebook:
--Studies have found a tenuous link between left-handedness and creativity--"I'm sure it's not just a chance that Pablo Picasso, Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and a long list of other artists have all been left-handed or ambidextrous. Their genius may well have had something to do with their left-handedness," some research psychologist in neuropsychiatry said.

Sweet dreams, 101

2007-07-13T01:45:00.000-07:00

I am practicing visualizations nowadays, of the daydreaming variety. So I am certain that the mind holds powers of creating intentions, and your reality, so I am reminding myself of all the gibberish and stuff I have learned through the years and putting it in application, all the while I m trying to make this automatic writing but i realize that its a little harder to do when you are typing on a cumputer bc you have to fix your typos. no i dont htink that automatic writing works so well unless u are writing it with this special silver pen taht is my special silver pen i keep on my night table and i write in my book with it. no i am not high. anyway so i was sayin gthat i am reading this cool book about medium and higher consciousness and she came up with this theory called aspect psychology, basically meaning in plain terms that we have different aspects to our personality and our ego, or who we think we are, is the focus personality, ie. the thoughts emotions, behavior that we believe makes us who we are. but then in every individual psyche, theres different other aspects, or personalities, that when you unfocus or unleash urself from the focus personality, you can tap into the other streams of consciousness. so thats what peripheral visioning and meditation can do, for instance, or if youre any kind of artist whether musician, painter or actor, that is the level of automatic or unconscious levels of creation and state of mind that you reach when you compose or create. gna mean? anyway this is rubbish its way late and i am not writing this out properly bc i m typing. lost of shit is coming to mind but i cant seem t o type as fast as my thgouhtrd are being processed so fuck it leave it for the boookks! love u all , thuyxxcx

Back Again. Temp Hiatus

2007-06-04T12:20:00.001-07:00

Well, I am back. I had to take a break because I am too addicted to the internet, and I have found myself writing about the things I needed to get done instead of just doing them.

This thing we call fear

2007-04-20T01:11:00.000-07:00

I'm scared.
shitless.
But,
I decided today
again,
a reminder
from a little voice inside
that I am going to go on,
no matter what..
figure out what is
this thing we call fear..
say hello,
walk beside it,
face it
smile at it,
love it,
make love to it,
and find out
what and where it comes from
and see once and for all
if it needeth to have been there in the first place.

Fight the fear, love the fear, embrace the fear.
Fear hopes that you will overcome your shyness towards it
And maybe in time see it as a friend.
For what is fear,
but your guiding voices of reason,
heeding danger and devising preemtive defenses.
Never let it get in your way,
Because it is not the path, but,
instead, serves as one of many loyal guides.

"Fear will stop you loving--
Love, will stop you fearing."

What a Jerk - Denis Levesque on LCN

2007-04-16T18:11:00.000-07:00

I just watched Denis Levesque interview the two girls that got kicked out of the taekwondo tournament for wearing hijabs.

some of his comments, as a paraphrase in English, included:

"so how do you go swim? don't you wish you could go swim? isn't it a pretty boring religion if you can't go swim?"

"in Quebec, we have taken religion (Christianity) out of the education system, and so that's what we call democracy. Your religion, can't you just practice it at home? Do you need to practice it everywhere? Don't you think you are a little backwards in your beliefs?"

"So you can't even take off your hijabs for even a few seconds? Isn't it worth it? It is such a sin?"

"So how do other people in your classrooms treat you? Are you friends with only other Muslims? Do they all wear hijabs? Don't you feel left out?"

"In Quebec, we have to respect the rules. that's part of democracy."

fuckshit. I was so angry listening to this stupid man who asked questions in such a biased and ignorant manner. It was so clear in the way he formulated his questions that he was full of prejudice towards these two friggen TWELVE YEAR OLD girls, he should quit his job, really, he should get fired.
No one should be allowed to be a journalist and have access to the vulnerable and the innocent until they have proven themselves worthy in intelligence, objectivity and a certain degree of compassion.

AAARGH. I wish I could tell them.. The girls made it very clear that no one forced them to wear the hijabs, that they are religious and respect themselves and others, and that all they wanted was to compete in the tournament which they had trained for. IT IS THEIR CHOICE. THAT IS DEMOCRACY. Freedom of choice. they can change their minds later if they want. you ignorant old man.

this is what it is

2007-04-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

give me your words and i'll give you my heart.

Messages in Water

2007-04-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

"...each word has its own particular vibration, and therefore its own particular energy. Water reflects the consciousness of the human race."

"There is a special combination that seems to be perfect for this, which is love plus the combination of thanks and appreciation reflected in the English word gratitude. Just one of these is not enough. Love needs to be based in gratitude, and gratitude needs to be based in love. These two words together create the most important vibration. And it is even more important that we understand the value of these words. For example, we know that water is described as H2O. If we were to look at love and gratitude as a pair, gratitude is the H and love is the O. Water is the basis that not only supports but also allows the existence of life. In my understanding of the concept of yin and yang, in the same way that there is one O and two Hs, we also need one part yang/love to two parts yin/gratitude, in order to come to a place of balance in the equation.

The Japanese word for gratitude is kan-sha, consisting of two Chinese characters: kan, which means feeling, and sha, apology. It's coming from a reverential space, taking a step or two back. I believe that love coming from this space is optimal love, and may even lead to an end to the wars and conflicts in the world. Kan-sha is inherent in the substance H2O -- an essential element for life.

...However, since water is the mirror reflecting our level of consciousness, a large percentage of the people on the planet, at least 10 percent of the people, need to have the love and the kan-sha awareness. When they do, then the time will come when water can be used to replace gasoline. And the reason I say 10 percent is that this ratio is mirrored in nature. When we look at the world of bacteria, for example, there are 10 percent good bacteria, 10 percent bad, and a majority of 80 percent opportunistic bacteria that could go either way. In looking at the various environmental issues we are faced with, and the tasks that we need to fulfill for the planet, if we could get more than 10 percent of the people consciously aware, than I believe we could pull the 80 percent in that direction, too."

the flood

2007-04-10T00:27:00.000-07:00

My friend,
sleep tight..
because in tomorrow,
comes rising surprises--
up with a jolt! spurring excesses,
of yesterday's nocturnal woes.

The flood

I need not hold on too tightly as I observe the dawn on the horizon..
it moves me deeply-- what a sight! the moment caresses me; I quiver.
i grab on, with a firmer grip,
the railing below shuddering slightly under my pressure.
Our eyes, twinkling, given to the rising sun.
And it penetrates me, squeezing its warmth onto my skin
and i am ignited by the sudden burn;
i am shaken; the trembles flood my body--
--sweat drenched avalanche of steaming lava,
hot, juicy fluid flowing down the valley!
--moist dew on the soft rose petals!
--the sun, now gloriously beaming,
proud, and shining on our nakedness!
we take it all in,
we take it all in,
we take it all in,
and breath it all out in exalted unison.

--Felicity Newman [2oo7]

giving and receiving

2007-04-09T23:41:00.000-07:00

i also had a strong realization today that you really cannot receive and grow in spiritual/material wealth unless you are willing and really GIVE.

like for example, my bookstore owner-- he felt like he had a lack of something [rent money], and so he holds on to the idea of lack, and in turn, he reacts and behaves in a way that supports his lack. in this whole mentality of lacking, you cannot receive, nor can you give. because if you feel you are lacking in something, then you are hesitant to give [compassion,generosity of spirit/love/wealth], and in an attitude of non-giving, you are blocking that which you may receive. You do not trust in people or life, or that people and life will give to you. The world and people are hostile, and unwilling to give to you, thereby attributing another block to your receptive disposition.

In an attitude of gratitude/wealth, you are more open to receiving because 1] you trust that there are people who will give, and life will take care of you, and that energy is itself an attractive quality for the process of giving and receiving, whereby people are more likely to give to a person who is pleasant and loving, than bitter, naturally. Even more, for example, an attitude of wealth [giving and receiving] would permit you to see people as helpful and opportunities existing in the 'outer' world as benevolent, whereby conspiring for its actualization.

also, in reaction to the bookstore owner, it is the most evolved state of being that one would show compassion in turn. [as would suggest Jesus or Buddha, or even quantum physics] the reason for this being that as kindness begets kindness, so states the law of attraction, we cannot expect our dream world, or the dream world of society, to experience any improvement or enlightenment unless we as individuals can conspire to show more kindness/love/compassion towards others. It is by surprising the bookstore owner with a random act of kindness that can truly begin to elevate him into a higher state of consciousness, and this may in turn beget more positive syncronicities in his life/ the lives of others surrounding him.

therefore it is true, that when i wonder, why am i not receiving what i am asking for, i should not look to what i am not receiving so much as to what i am not giving. the greater your capacity for giving, the greater your capacity for receiving. and in the end, it is by your act of giving that you will change the world. ask not what the universe can do for you, but what you can do for the universe.

syncronicities + wierd people

2007-04-09T23:28:00.000-07:00

today i set out on a mission to find a sign that i need not worry so much about finances for school that God willing, things will work out. so, naturally, i went out to look for a book store, somewhere interesting that would inspire me. and i came up on sherbrooke and old orchard, where i found a second hand book store. Now, in san francisco and almost everywhere else, i would spend hours and hours on end reading through books in used bookstores, but after about one hour at this one, the owner made some off beat comment about how he wasn't going to be paying rent with his customers reading his books and not buying them.

how rude, how awefully distasteful he was,
how hurt and embarrassed i felt,
how humiliating and belittle i became, and i straight out told him ;
wow, you've made me feel really self-conscious. and i don't think i will ever be able to come here again. '

well, i think that really shook him up, because as i left the store,
he came after me with thoughts like i was 'rude and inconsiderate'.
well, i felt proud of myself, because i vented out my feelings, and put him quite right in his place.
but of course, the luck of the draw came when i bumped into two angels who happen to be at the coffeeshop next door..
and one happen to hold exactly the information I needed to shift my perspective on my school financing, and how optimistic I became...
ensuing an equal shame and regret for bringing bad karma to the bookstore owner.
and i thought.. maybe he has a family to feed and he had a bad day..
maybe he's late on rent and was stressed out.. maybe he just needed some compassion in his day..
so i realized, that we all need to be angels to one another, and I left him something that he asked for.
so, maybe, i hope he will find some happiness in his day, and thank you for letting me read your books. best, chantal.

patience

2007-04-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

i am patient with the unfolding of my life, always trusting that what i need will manifest itself in time.

love, truly belongs to those who are most capable of giving love.

success, comes only to those who merit it. though we know that to arrive at a point of cherishing other's success is to have achieved true success.

jealousy, possessiveness, and envy are signs that your ego still need to be kept in check. the only remedy is to return to spirit.

the alchemist's job is a never ending one, whether in bed, out dancing, or in practice.

Less ego, more Spirit.

2007-04-06T12:43:00.000-07:00

I am having internal debates about the nature of my dreams, and more and more, they are purifying. I have since last week been in bed during rainy days contemplating my desires of fulfilling my life as an artist, and have grown increasingly curious and interested in the lives of John Lennon and Yoko ono, and also John Frusciante. So i donwloaded songs from the revolver and abbey recods, and some of John's solo album that he recorded in intermission between heroin and rehab. There is such purity there, that I was fascinated with the love they have for each other/ or their art. that is the main thing that It has come down to. the true artist, forget the ego that you encounter in the newspaper and tv because its not about that. its about the emergence of the soul, the spirit that finds its connection to love and truth through its expression in art,music,performance. then i realized that most truly remarkable authors of art, that is how they are, only the marketing of them , their ego as commodity puts a barrier between themselves and their art, or the audience and themselves. the only way to art is in its practice and pursuit, there is no shortcut. i am tired of hanging out with you people because i feel so self-conscious, i would rather just go create, have fun and dance. less ego, more Spirit.

-Thuy

You Love me!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-21T17:37:00.000-07:00

Thank you thank you thank you world..!!!! I got in!!! I got into my top choice Theatre MFA Program.. New York, here I come :)

I am too excite to write more, I am so happy that things have worked out as I anticipated and hoped for. I have conquered Step #1, and now, welcome, step 2..

Chantal

things UNFOLDING.. Slowly

2007-03-20T22:23:00.000-07:00

SLOWLY BUT SURELY.

I like to see my life unfold, yes slowly, but surely. Well. Most of the time I don't have the patience for it, but then again, at least I recognize it and its something I can improve on. For example, I get impatient when I have projects I have to complete, and once its done, then it's the waiting game...It's basically giving the ball up. But maybe its the lack of control of events that scare the shit out of me. I would like to get to a point where it is the process which brings the security, and not the end itself. Make sense? That it doesn't matter what the outcome is, really, but that it is the work- the action- that brings truest satisfaction. Yeah, I do feel it, but then I worry about the outcome too much. Its hard to let go, sometimes, but I know, intuitively, that's the way to live life.

So, I think the Toltec ideas, the four agreements make sense. One of them is just to do the best you can with everything, so ultimately you have no regret and can trust in your work. OOOOOOOOHHH Life, I love to uncover it's natural laws.

Beauty. electronical messages of something serendipiously surrendered into space. Space cadet out to rescue the spirit in humanity, out to conquer the world and the universe it bathes in. Hasta luego <3